Dang Dirty Apes

If there is one fact of life that we can all agree on, it's that monkeys are cool.

It doesn't matter what the context is...monkeys are just inherently cool.

Cheetah from Tarzan...cool

Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose...Right turn cool

Bear from BJ & the Bear...cool in a Bear Bryant hat

Cornelius, Zira and the rest of the Planet of the Apes...talking monkeys (especially ones that talk like Roddy McDowall) are super cool.

I used to have a problem with Planet of the Apes. Not so much a problem as much as when I was 5 years old, they scared the ever loving crap out of me.

The TV version of Planet of the Apes was on at that time and if you remember (and I do), the show opened with a gorilla on horseback with the sun behind him (it?) . He (it?) had his (its?) head reared back and a rifle held defiantly in the air. It freaked my kindergarten self right out. Next to The Headless Horseman from Disney's Legend of Sleepy Hollow, nothing scared me worse.

But a year later, at the more mature age of 6, I saw the original Planet of the Apes on the ABC Friday night movie. I had grown in that year...I had discovered that monkeys were cool. And monkeys beating the snot out of Charlton Heston were extra cool.

I love all 5 of the original movies. Love Heston finding the Statue of Liberty in the first one. Love the attack on the Forbidden Zone in Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Cried when Zira and Cornelius died in Escape from the Planet of the Apes. Got chills when Caesar led his revolt in Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. And learned that "Ape shall not kill ape" in Battle for the Planet of the Apes (a lesson that Aldo, played by Claude Akins, learned the hard way).

I even enjoyed the Tim Burton remake. No actor alive deserves to have the monkey crap beaten out of him by, well, monkeys than Mark Wahlberg. Say "Hi" to your mom for me Marky Mark.

So...I urge, I encourage, I beg of you to block out an afternoon, pop some popcorn (or buy some bananas) and spend the day on the Planet of the Apes.

'Cause monkeys are cool.