Friday, October 31, 2008

Helping The Economy

I think all the Right Wings pundits are looking at this election the wrong way.

If Obama wins on Tuesday, they're guaranteed at least four (and possibly eight) more years of steady employment. Four (and possibly eight) more years of yelling and screaming how "socialist" liberal policies are ruining America by trying to make life a little easier for people who don't make six figure salaries. Four (and possibly eight) more years of trying to scare folks with the idea that using diplomacy and negotiation rather than Cowboy carpet bombing is just crazy. Four (and possibly eight) more years of scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with new lies and conspiracy theories to justify their jobs.

So Mr. O'Reilly, Mr. Limbaugh, Ms. Coulter and all the rest...I implore you, for the sake of the economy, when you enter the voting booth on Tuesday, vote for your for Obama/Biden.

Otherwise, you might lose your 6 figure incomes & need that Marxist tax break. And wouldn't that just be a shame.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Living In Deep 13

Mystery Science Theater 3000...oh how I love thee...let me count the ways.

1) You legitimized a hobby that my friends & I practiced for years...talking back to stupid movies

2) You gave the world Crow T. Robot, Tom Servo, TV's Frank, Clayton and Pearl Forrester, Dr. Bobo and Brain Guy while also introducing me to Mr. B Natural and Nuveena, Girl of the Future.

3) You made it cool to be smart...Tina Fey owes you a debt of thanks.

4) Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, Joel Hodgson & the whole gang proved that you could have fun with your friends and make a career out of it.

5) "Twelve to the Moon" with Captain Stump favorite experiment ever.

6) You encouraged fans to keep the show alive by sharing their tapes of the show.

7) It was so funny and weird and intelligent that you felt like a member of an exclusive club when you discovered it.

8) The Turkey Day Marathons were a highlight of my Thanksgivings

9) It didn't matter which host you preferred...the shows were so good that Mike fans could dig episodes with Joel and vice versa.

10) "Let's Have A Patrick Swayze Christmas" has become a holiday staple in my house.

These are 10 reasons, but I know that I could come up with dozens more. Thanks MST3K for making my own Satellite of Love a happier place.


Monday, October 27, 2008

That Guy-Election Version

*You're hanging out with a group of friends. You decide to order pizza. One person decides that they don't want any, but tells you to go ahead & order it any way. Everyone picks what kind of pizza they like. Everyone kicks in to pay for the pizza. Pizza arrives and no-pizza guy decides he is hungry after all. He proceeds to eat pizza, complaining all the while about (a) the place you ordered from and (b) the fact that he would've picked different toppings. Never mind the fact that it took everyone at least 30-45 minutes to discuss, debate and decide what kind of pizza to order and where from while this loser kept insisting that he wasn't sure what he wanted, but he was positive it wasn't pizza, only to go ahead and eat without actually contributing to the order and having the nerve to b*%$ and moan about what kind of free pizza he was forcing down his pie hole.

For those of you who might've missed my subtle analogy...replace "pizza" with "vote" and it will become all too clear.

Next Tuesday...don't be That Guy!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

NC #10013

I voted today.

For the first time since I turned 18, I cast my vote for a candidate that I feel strongly about...that I didn't feel like I had to settle for.

If you read this blog at all, it shouldn't be much of a surprise who I voted for. But I believe that no matter who you support, it's everyones responsibility to participate in the process.

I may vehemently dislike the policies of your candidate but I honor & respect anyone who chooses to back up his or her choice with their vote.

I know people who refuse to vote...who are so cynical about politics that they simply don't bother. I feel sorry for them.

But today I felt proud to stand up and cast my vote. I was also proud of all the folks who came out in the rain to declare their choice.

What was more amazing...the early voting sight opened at 9am & when I submitted my ballot at 10:45, I was vote number 10,013. Ten thousand people cared enough to get out & vote early. Democrat or Republican, that's pretty awesome.

God Bless America!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Election Day...TV Land Edition

With Andy Griffith, Ron Howard and Henry Winkler endorsing Barack Obama as their beloved tv alter egos in a new web video, it got me wondering just who the classic characters from my favorite shows would vote for.

So, let's go to the exit polls in TV Land & see what happened.

*From the 4077th MASH: Hawkeye Pierce, Trapper John, BJ Hunnicutt, Father Mulcahy, Max Klinger, Sherman Potter and Radar O'Reilly all voted for Obama. Splitting the vote, early years Hot Lips voted for McCain, while later years Hot Lips went with Obama. Major Charles Emerson Winchester also supported the Illinois Senator while Frank Burns voted for McCain.

*Obama swept the Mayberry, North Carolina district with the entire town voting for Change.

*McCain supporters included MacGyver, JR Ewing and Homer Simpson, who mistakenly thought he was voting for "McBain". When asked for a comment, Simpson replied "D'oh!"

*In Florida, the Golden Girls also split their vote. Dorothy and Rose went for Obama while Blanche voted for that "hunk of a man McCain." Sophia also voted for McCain, primarily because he was her date to the senior prom.

*Battleground state Pennsylvania saw Scranton's Dunder-Mifflin Paper solidly in Obama's camp with the entire office voting for him. The sole exceptions were accountant Angela and salesman Dwight Schrute. Oddly, the couple shared the same voting booth and could be heard loudly moaning, obviously agonizing over how to cast their ballots.

*At Bayside High's mock election, all votes went to Obama except one. A young man identified only as "Screech" cast his vote for McCain, stating that running mate Sarah Palin "made him feel all tingly."

Some precincts are still too close to call. The Dharma Initiative island is embroiled in a scandal involving the purge of smoke monsters from the voting rolls and in Camden County, local election official Joy Turner is refusing to release results until she gets "some of that Palin clothes money. Do you know how many tube tops $150 large will buy?"

But all in all, TV Land looks solidly blue this election year.

We now return to Murphy Brown and Ted Baxter at Election Central. This has been Les Nessman reporting for WKRP.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Dang Dirty Apes

If there is one fact of life that we can all agree on, it's that monkeys are cool.

It doesn't matter what the context is...monkeys are just inherently cool.

Cheetah from

Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose...Right turn cool

Bear from BJ & the in a Bear Bryant hat

Cornelius, Zira and the rest of the Planet of the Apes...talking monkeys (especially ones that talk like Roddy McDowall) are super cool.

I used to have a problem with Planet of the Apes. Not so much a problem as much as when I was 5 years old, they scared the ever loving crap out of me.

The TV version of Planet of the Apes was on at that time and if you remember (and I do), the show opened with a gorilla on horseback with the sun behind him (it?) . He (it?) had his (its?) head reared back and a rifle held defiantly in the air. It freaked my kindergarten self right out. Next to The Headless Horseman from Disney's Legend of Sleepy Hollow, nothing scared me worse.

But a year later, at the more mature age of 6, I saw the original Planet of the Apes on the ABC Friday night movie. I had grown in that year...I had discovered that monkeys were cool. And monkeys beating the snot out of Charlton Heston were extra cool.

I love all 5 of the original movies. Love Heston finding the Statue of Liberty in the first one. Love the attack on the Forbidden Zone in Beneath the Planet of the Apes. Cried when Zira and Cornelius died in Escape from the Planet of the Apes. Got chills when Caesar led his revolt in Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. And learned that "Ape shall not kill ape" in Battle for the Planet of the Apes (a lesson that Aldo, played by Claude Akins, learned the hard way).

I even enjoyed the Tim Burton remake. No actor alive deserves to have the monkey crap beaten out of him by, well, monkeys than Mark Wahlberg. Say "Hi" to your mom for me Marky Mark.

So...I urge, I encourage, I beg of you to block out an afternoon, pop some popcorn (or buy some bananas) and spend the day on the Planet of the Apes.

'Cause monkeys are cool.

Monday, October 20, 2008

So Conflicted

OK...the best thing to do when you have a huge secret is just to blurt it out and hope your friends still want to actually be your friends. I've been holding this back for a couple of days now...tossing & turning, losing sleep...I've been incredibly conflicted, but it's time to come clean....

I saw Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live...and I didn't hate her.

I wanted to...I really did. Her politics turn my stomach. The idea of her one heartbeat away from the Oval Office absolutely petrifies me. I'm also pretty sure she'd shoot me in the face and wouldn't really care if I apologized to the press or not.

But Saturday night, I didn't hate her. She looked like she was having a good time, had some decent moves during "Weekend Update" and didn't try and tear Alec Baldwin's throat out with her bare hands (and I wonder how many Ambien and scotches Baldwin had to choke down just to be on the same continent with her, much less arm in arm).

I've never actually hated the Governor as a person. I suspect in a few weeks, with her safely away from the Oval Office and sending her audition tape to Fox "News" (look for "Palin & Coulter" to premiere sometime next fall after Ann & Sarah kill and eat Hannity and's just the inevitable progression of the circle of life), that she won't even be a blip on my radar.

But I did want her to bomb Saturday...and bomb big. I mean Fat Man & Little Boy, Hiroshima and Nagasaki big. That didn't happen. But I did notice that she was gritting her teeth so hard that I thought she was going to break her own jaw...or Tina Fey's.

So, good job Governor. As a Vice-Presidential candidate, you're going to make an excellent talk show host...probably sooner than you think. Just call if you need a reference.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Ain't Love Grand?

Sitting in Starbucks, preoccupied with the economy, the election and a world consumed with war and rumors of war, I was feeling pretty grim.

And then I got to watch a couple having their engagement pictures taken. They looked at each other with such devotion, love and happiness...and I remembered the last time someone looked at me like that. It was this morning as Sainted Wife was leaving for work. It's the same look I get every morning, no matter what kind of mood we'd been in the night before. The look that says, "When the day's over, no matter what happens, I want you to come home to me.". I always have and I always will.

In this land of confusion, if you're as lucky as I am to have someone who wants you around when you can't even stand yourself then you're very, very blessed.

Faith, hope and love...and the greatest of these is love.


So, the News & Observer recently revamped their comics page, so now is as good a time as any to take a look at the funny pages.

*The Family Circus is not funny. It has never been funny. It is so treacly and sweet that you risk diabetes by just glancing at it. Let me be clear...I hate, loathe and despise Billy, Jeffy, Dolly with the heat of a thousand suns. If "Not Me" murdered them all in their sleep, I would vote to acquit.

*I don't have a problem with Mallard Fillmore having a conservative agenda. I have a problem with it not being funny & having all the subtlety of a chainsaw. I get think liberals are stupid. Now figure out a way to say it cleverly or originally or in a way that doesn't make you look like a raving asshat and I might, might consider your viewpoint.

*All that being said, there are some good things in the funnies. Pearls Before Swine, Zits and Get Fuzzy are consistently entertaining. Red and Rover and Agnes are two of the more promising new strips and I no longer have to try and figure out what the heck Sylvia was even about.

*As long as Peanuts is still in the paper, all is right with the world. There are some things that should stay constant: Mister Rogers on PBS, Bruce Springsteen on tour and Snoopy and Charlie Brown on the comics page. A paper that drops Peanuts has lost its soul.

Until next time...see you in the funny papers.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Too Much Information

I blame John Hughes. He's the reason we have to put up with Tyra, Maury, Judge Judy, The Real World, Janice Dickinson, Paris Hilton and the seemingly millions of other obnoxious narcissists who've crawled out from under their rocks with video cameras and decided to tell us every single detail about their pathetic lives.

It started in 1984 with a little film called "The Breakfast Club". It seemed harmless enough at the time...a teen dramedy about 5 mismatched kids spending the day in detention. A few laughs, a little romance (courtesy of the reptillian Judd Nelson and equally reptillian Molly Ringwald), a hit song, it makes a little money and everyone goes home happy. Every 16 year old I knew (including me) saw it.

The central theme of "The Breakfast Club" is "my life sucks and no one understands me". This wasn't a news flash to anyone who's ever been a teenager. But until "The Breakfast Club", no one felt the need to talk about it all the time. You might have complained to your friends, wrote in your diary or composed really bad free verse poetry but you didn't tell everyone on the planet.

But the kids who really dug "The Breakfast Club" (and I would bet any amount of money that they identified most closely with either Ally Sheedy or Anthony Michael Hall) grew up and became segment producers for Jerry Springer and Montel Williams. They wanted to find people whose lives sucked and wanted to talk about it. When the networks and syndicators saw how much money they could make off of morons who were willing to share the most intimate details of their lives with millions of strangers, that's when the floodgates opened and the freakshow began.

So, today we have talk shows and reality shows and You Tube and Facebook and My Space and we know every single thing about every single person we've ever come in contact with. The whole planet is a confessional. I kinda wish we'd go back to writing crappy poems.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Happiness Is...

It has come to my attention that, from time to time, I can be a bit of a "Mr. Cranky Pants." So much so that I am often asked "Does anything make you happy?" Of course...and since you asked so nicely (and left off the " big jerk" that usually ends the question), here in no particular order and with no rhyme or reason are a few things that bring joy to my life...

Sainted Wife...My Family...Colton Bough...Scooter & Casey, the WonderCats...MASH...The Andy Griffith Show...The amazingly talented improvisers at ComedyWorx...The Dick Van Dyke Show...Dan Lyons...Chuck...Goofy Silver Age Superman comics...William Shatner, James Spader and Boston Legal in general...The West Wing...The Big Bang Theory...Jack Webb's 1969-1972 Dragnet series...Super Sparkle Showcase...The good people at Rose of Sharon Baptist Church...Hee Haw...The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (the cartoon, not the movie)...Comics written by Geoff Johns, Gail Simone and Grant Morrison...The mad genius of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg...Captain America by Ed Brubaker...Pushing Daisies...Aaron Sorkin...The Complete Peanuts...It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown...Linus reciting the Christmas Story...Stephen Colbert & Jon Stewart...Napping on Sunday afternoon...Old friends...Bruce Springsteen...30 Rock...Saturday Night Live...Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen making hysterical movies with their friends...It's A Wonderful Life...John Wayne...Pulp Fiction...Travis Pomeroy as Jules...Jenny Spencer rapping 50 Cent...Life with Damian Lewis & Sara Shahi...The Office...and, of course, a warm puppy.

This is by no means a complete or exhaustive list...but I challenge you this week when things get bad (and they will) and the world seems to be falling apart around you (and it will), to take a few minutes and think about the things that bring you joy.

To quote that great philosopher Bruce Springsteen...."It ain't no sin to be glad you're alive."

Bad grammar aside...he's right. But then again, he's The Boss.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Man From Mars

I've just seen the best new show of the Fall season...and the rumors are true, there is "Life On Mars".

In the interest of full disclosure, I missed the first series of the British.version when it aired on BBC America, but loved the second series. So I was already familiar with the premise.

NYPD Detective Sam Tyler is hit by a car in 2008 and wakes up in 1973. He has to adjust to a new environment and old school methods while trying to get home.

Jason O'Mara is excellent as Sam (What is it with time travelers named "Sam" anyway?). He mixes humor, vulnerability and anger as a man out of time and place making the best of a bad situation.

Gretchen Mol, an actress I've (a) never payed much attention to and (b) always confused with "Mad Men" co-star January Jones is great as Policewoman Annie Norris who tries to help Tyler and find her place on the force.

"Sopranos" star Michael Imperioli isn't given much to do but make bad jokes, wear worse suit and sport the most atrocious mustache seen on network television in 20 years...and that includes Jason Lee's on "My Name Is Earl", but there's potential.

That brings me to the man, the myth, the legend...Harvey Keitel. The old Reservoir Dog comes close to stealing the show as Sam's boss Gene Hunt. This role could do for Keitel what playing Andy Sipowicz did for Dennis Franz. It's a priviege to watch the man work.

This mix of "NYPD Blue" and "Quantum Leap" has a tough time slot and heavy competition against the final season of "ER" but it's well worth the investment. Here's hoping Sam doesn't make it home too soon.

Elitist? You Bet I Am

There once was a time when we wanted the best and the brightest in charge. Not any more. Now it's more important to have someone we'd want to hang out with be in charge of the free world.

With all due respect...I love my friends. I have a great time when I hang out with them. They make me laugh and occasionally laugh at my jokes. But under no circumstances do I want any of them to be president. Because they would do a terrible job. And I would certainly hope they would say the same thing about me...because I would do an even worse job than them.

I'm just about fed up with the notion that just because a candidate might not enjoy scarfing down pork rinds and Lowenbrau while watching the monster truck rally and has read a book or two (possibly one that has been banned from at least one library) that he or she is some sort of "elitist" and less qualified to run the country.

America was created by elitists. I can guarantee there were very few "Joe Ale Flagons" at the First Continental Congress...and certainly no "Cricket Moms". John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton were some of the smartest men who ever walked the planet. They were educated lawyers, scientists, inventors and philosophers who had passionate views about their society and culture and what's more, they could discuss these views in an intelligent fashion.

So, when it comes to guiding this great nation you better believe I want the most educated, most informed and most intellectual politicians we can get. I want someone smarter than me...and quite frankly, I'm pretty smart to begin with.

You want someone you'd like to have a beer with in office? Fine...nominate them for County Commissioner or Dogcatcher. I want my President to be too busy working for the American people to have time to hang out with me.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I Done It My Way

"A man's got to know his limitations.", Dirty Harry Callahan..."Magnum Force".

There comes a time in life when we need to realize that we're just not going to accomplish some of the goals we've set for ourselves.

I don't know if this is a sign of maturity or futility, but it's not necessarily a negative thing.

There were lots of things when I was 16 that I thought I wanted to do. But as I got older, I discovered there were some fairly good reasons that I would never do them.

I wanted to be an actor...not necessarily a "movie star", but a working actor. However, I would learn that it's helpful to have a reservoir of talent to pull from in order to be successful in the theater. But instead of mourning that fact, I found a form of theater that I am good at...improv.

Is taking the stage of ComedyWorx in my spiffy sweats the same thing as starring in "Death Of A Salesman" on Broadway? No. But I still get to perform with my friends and I still get to utilize the talent I do have to make people laugh.

At one time, I really wanted to work in one of the Top 3 markets for my profession...New York, Los Angeles or Chicago. I thought that if I could be in the "Big Time" for just a little while, then my career choice would be validated. A couple of things kept this from happening. The first was distance. Sainted Wife and I are very fortunate in that we like being around our families. We love them and enjoy their company. Any one of those markets would mean that we'd probably only see them once a year...and for a short time at that. I decided that sacrificing family for career wouldn't be worth it. The second factor was that no one in those markets has seen fit to offer me a job, which has made my noble stand slightly less noble, but I still wouldn't change it.

Instead...I've been working for local PBS stations my entire career. I consider it a privilege to work for a network who provides programming I can be proud of. I also consider working for PBS to be my public service.

Some would say that I've given up or settled and truthfully there are days that I wonder what could have been. But to quote the Chairman of the Board..."Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention."

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

We Can Be Heroes

So, we're three weeks into the new season of "Heroes". Let's take a look at the good, the bad and the ugly and see how it's holding up.

A brief sidenote...I loved the first season & the second half of Season 2. Also, I assume that if you're reading this you've seen all the current episodes, so no spoiler warnings.

*The new Nathan Petrelli. I like the idea that he's on a mission from God. It's a new direction for a one-note character.

*The return of Malcolm McDowell as the mysterious Linderman. Is he a ghost? Is he a figment of Nathan's imagination? Is he a Cylon? Whoops...wrong show. Whatever he is, McDowell is having a ball and Linderman is lots of fun to watch.

*Speaking of fun, without Hiro and Ando this show would be a major bummer. Hiro is the only one who likes having powers and Ando is glad to be along for the ride.

*I really like Daphne, the speedster. I hope she sticks around for awhile.

*Tracy (Ali Larter) has powers she doesn't want or understand, has killed someone with them and is hooking up with Nathan. Tracy, meet Nikki...the only real difference is she doesn't have a kid.

*Mohinder Suresh...winner of the Nobel Prize for stupidity in the fields of genetics, biology and hooking up with Maya.

*I find myself at times remembering how much I enjoyed the plots the first time around...when they were called "Days of Future Past" and "Kingdom Come".

*Why won't the writers just call them "powers"? That's what they are.

*Hayden Panitierre act badly as a rebellious teen. She can't even come close to pulling off "Dark ClaireBear".

Despite my problems with it, I love many parts of "Heroes". Sylar, Noah and the return of Adam are always worth watching and the show is still fun despite some flaws.

So I'll be sticking with it for the long haul and hoping for the best.

Chaos Theory

It should come as no surprise that life isn't fair. Bad things happen to good people, evil men prosper while saints starve and Jessica Simpson still makes records.

But I believe that we are responsible for all of the chaos that surrounds us. The universe craves balance and when it gets too far out of control, life & the universe must correct itself. These corrections are random and chaotic...and sometimes make no sense. But they're a necessary evil, for without them the planet would cease to turn on its axis, apes would rise up and rule the world and Jessica Simpson would still be making records.

For example

*Mitch Hedberg, John Candy and Bill Hicks die. To fill the void, we get Carrot Top, Dane Cook and Jay Leno.

*ABC has a fun little sweeps special called "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"...Millions watch...the universe, thinking we have no use for high-quality scripted shows, reacts with "Temptation Island", "Kid Nation" and about 75 other "reality" shows. In a surprising move, it lets Regis Philbin live obviously deciding that having to share a show with both Kathy Lee Gifford and Kelly Ripa is punishment enough.

*Vanderbilt is (as of this writing) undefeated and in the Top 20 in college football. America's entire economy implodes. If the Commodores make the Top 10, be on the lookout for the Four Horsemen and don't make any long term investments.

*Paris Hilton still has a TV show. Jessica Simpson still makes records. This isn't so much a balance issue as it is me pointing out once again that life is really, really unfair and cruel.

*John Belushi...dead. Jim off residuals of "According To Jim". One time when I wish the universe could've waited to fill the Belushi Void.

*Although, no one can claim that every now and then, the universe doesn't have a sense of humor. Kirk Cameron's "Fireproof" did make more money at the box office this week than Bill Maher's "Religulous".

Saturday, October 4, 2008


After extensive and exhaustive research, I have come to the terrifying conclusion that actors Ethan Hawke, Josh Brolin, Craig Sheffer and Stephen Dorff are actually the same person. This is why we've never seen them co-star in the same project together...besides the fact that no one would care to.

Currently, the "Josh Brolin" personality is in control & having a career. The "Ethan Hawke" was dominant, until he made the unfathomable mistake of cheating on Uma Thurman with their nanny and has been banished to where "Craig Sheffer" and "Stephen Dorff" have been since "A River Runs Through It" and "Blade" respecively.

For a brief time, it was believed that "Paul Walker" was also part of HawBroDorSheff (as he was known in the lab where he was grown), but it was later determined that "Paul Walker" was a mass hallucination by the American public caused by an overexposure to Vin Diesel's machismo.

If you encounter HawBroDorSheff in the wild, don't panic...he's not used to being recognized, so he's really not dangerous. Just don't mention the Uma makes him cry.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Book O' The Week: The Girl Of Steel Is Back!

My Book O' The Week is Supergirl #34 by Sterling Gates & Jamal Igle.

I've been a Superman fan for as long as I can remember, but I've never had more than a passing interest in his cousin. No real reason, it just never seemed to matter whether Kara Zor-El was around or not.

But Sterling Gates took only one issue to make me love Supergirl...and what an issue it is! Gates takes the opportunity to reestablish not only Kara, but also a couple of long-standing Superman supporting characters...Cat Grant and Lana Lang (the cool Lana from the comic, not the whiny, annoying one from the Smallville TV show). He also ties Supergirl's series more closely into the events taking place in "Superman" and "Action Comics", which considering how much fun Geoff Johns and James Robinson are having over there is a very good thing indeed.

I'm really looking forward to the next few months in Metropolis, especially with the "New Krypton" arc that runs through all three titles starting soon. It promises to be a heckuva ride.

Great work by Sterling Gates and Jamal Igle. Highly recommended!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Ad Nauseum

Dear Apple...

"Funnest" is not a word, therefore it is impossible that your new Ipod is the "funnest" one ever. It might be the "Most Fun" Ipod ever, but since I have no basis for comparison, I am not comfortable making that judgement.

We, as a country, are stupid enough without you trying to make us more stupid while trying to sell the "funnest" Ipod ever. Knock it off.

Also,if you see Olive Garden, please tell her for me that her just barely above Chef-Boy-Ardee faux Italian food doesn't cure cancer, so the babbling goobers in their commercials shouldn't be so happy...they're at Olive Garden for goodness sake. No one goes to Olive settle for it.

Snarkily yours,

Notes From Nerdvana, Inc.

Critical Mass or 57 Channels & Something's Finally On

The new Fall TV Season has finally kicked off and I'm as happy as a pig in mud. During the summer, I manage to keep my sanity with The Closer and Law & Order reruns on TNT...but my little heart grows three sizes come late September when original episodes return like the swallows to Capistrano to the networks. So, here's a day by day breakdown of what I'm watching this year.

The Big Bang Theory Live
How I Met Your Mother Live
Chuck DVR

I like Chuck...but Sheldon & Leonard over at the Big Bang Theory own this hour, coupled with Neil Patrick Harris reinventing himself as Barney Stimson on How I Met Your Mother rock my world.

Two And A Half Men DVR
Worst Week DVR
Heroes Live

Ordinarily, I'd watch "Men" live & record Heroes. But since Sainted Wife (a) likes Alan & Charlie better than Peter Petrelli and (b) she's usually fallen asleep before they start, I record 2.5 Men & the new (and funny in a "Meet The Parents" kind of way) Worst Week and check out Heroes live.

A brief word about Heroes...I like it a lot, but really enjoy weeks like this one that don't feature Mohinder "Dumbest Scientist Ever" Suresh and his "Cry Me A River" girlfriend.

Boston Legal DVR
My Own Worst Enemy Live

Denny Crane rules (you know he does!) and Sainted Wife is still napping, so when Christian Slater's new show premieres, I'll watch it live. Bamboo shoots under my fingernails couldn't make me sit through Caruso & CSI Miami.

House DVR

Sainted Wife is not as big a fan of Dr. Gregory House as I am...and, truth be told, I usually don't hang with him all season anyway, so we get comfort TV from Mark Harmon & the gang at NCIS

Fringe DVR

Fringe is really cool, but I enjoy it more watching it without commercials.

The only show on Wednesday for me is Pushing weird, so funny, so Kristin Chenowith!

My Name Is Earl

I'm out on Thursdays, so everything will be DVR...and it begins with Jason Lee in the criminally underrated "Earl." Consistently funny and who knew Jamie Pressley could be this good in anything. I'll give "Kath & Kim" a couple of weeks, but Molly Shannon and Selma Blair appear to be playing characters that I wouldn't want to meet in real life, so why should I watch them on TV?

The Office
30 Rock

Three great shows in the same time slot...thanks networks.

Life On Mars

I loved the original BBC version and with Harvey Keitel as (presumably) The Gov, I'm really excited about this one.


Damian Lewis and Sara Shahi are fantastic in this quirky cop show...unfortunately it's got a terrible time slot.

The Simpsons
King of the Hill
Family Guy
American Dad

No contest here. Cold Case is interesting, but it's the most depressing show on television.

Some may note there is no "reality" programming on my schedule. This is not a mistake. I hate the genre, hate the way it takes work away from talented writers and actors, hate the people who participate it and will not support it in any way.

There you have Prime Time Lineup. Enjoy, discuss, debate.