Monday, December 28, 2009

24 New Season Spoilers!!!!!

From a source I cannot name, I've gotten a brief synopsis of the new season of "24" that begins airing in January. Sounds like a radical new direction for the hit Fox show.

"Jack Bauer has saved the day countless times and he's finally had enough. This season on 24, see what happens when the only man for the job...calls in sick!"

Episode 1 7:00am-9:00am
In the thrilling season premiere, Jack decides he's earned a day off. Using all his training, he calls into CTU pretending to have the stomach flu. He spends the morning watching "Today" and wonders if Meredith Viera is really as nice as she seems on TV.

Episode 2 10:00am-11:00am
Jack makes disparaging remarks about Kathie Lee Gifford and the other lady on the third hour of "Today."

Episode 3 12:00pm-1:00pm
Jack dances with Ellen & then makes himself a couple of breakfast Hot Pockets.

Episode 4 2:00pm-3:00pm
Jack spends a tense hour in the bathroom as a result of his poor choice of breakfasts. Screens calls from CTU.

Episode 5 4:00pm-5:00pm
Jack's rage boils over as he smashes his "Guitar Hero" controller when he can't play "Daydream Believer" on easy. Frustrated, he cries about how the game is "cheating him."

Episode 6 6:00pm-8:00pm
Jack's "private time" with the new Lane Bryant catalog. Viewer Discretion is advised.

Episode 7 9:00pm-10:00pm
Jack risks death once again by daring to eat another Hot Pocket.

Episode 8 11:00pm-12:00am
Hot Pocket once again tortures Jack, more bathroom time.

Episode 9 1:00am-2:00am
Facebook status updated, sends friend requests to Jason Bourne, James Bond and Lou Diamond Phillips

Episode 10 3:00am-4:00am
Soothing his pain with alcohol, accidentally drunk dials Chloe. Awkward silence ensues

Episode 11 5:00am-6:00am
Season Finale. Jack collapses into bed, fitfully praying for a snow day. Awakens disappointed to remember that it's May.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Season's Greetings

Seems like we waste a lot of time & stress during December trying to figure out just what to say to people to convey our wish that they have a joyous holiday no matter how he or she may choose to celebrate it (or not celebrate it, as the case may be.) So, I have a modest proposal that might just alleviate some of the headaches.

If you're not sure whether Joe in the cubicle next to you or Susie the barista celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus or nothing at all, but still want to say something, say "Waffles."

Think about it. Waffles are an inherently happy food. They're fun to make, fun to eat and bad things rarely happen when they're part of the menu. When people break up, they go out for dinner. No one gets dumped over waffles.

So the next time you're twisting yourself into a mental pretzel (also a fun food) trying to convey holiday cheer without potentially ticking off a relative stranger, just give them a big ol' grin and say "Waffles."