Enemy Mine

I've been doing some pondering as I've been wandering out under the stars and I've come to the conclusion that my life would be infinitely more interesting if I had an arch-enemy.

Now, I'm talking here about a real, Silver Age, old-school arch-enemy. Someone who pops up every few months, makes my life more interesting and then is easily dispatched thus returning everything to the status quo. Not like the villains of today who will kill your family, burn your house, steal your dog and not lose any sleep over it. I'm thinking more Cesar Romero Joker than Heath Ledger Joker.

The key to picking an arch-enemy is to find someone who annoys you enough to get your attention but not so much that you want to stick an icepick in their ear. It's a delicate balance, even more so if you follow the traditional narrative where the hero is somehow responsible for creating the villain in the first place (Batman/Joker, Superman/Lex Luthor, Al Gore/George W. Bush)...but since my life is already complicated enough, I'm going to skip that part.

You also need to pick someone who you know you can defeat. No sense leaving it up to chance. But be careful...if you're not good at physical confrontation your options are limited. You don't want to be known as the guy who beat up Johnny the paperboy with only one leg. Likewise, an intellectual victory is nowhere near as sweet if the only person you can outwit is dumber than a bag of hammers.

So...I'm taking applications for an arch-enemy. I offer no medical or dental benefits, no retirement plan or stock options and very little room for advancement. However, I do offer free publicity and promise at least once a battle to shake my fist and curse your name to the heavens in my best Shatneresque tones. Drop off your resumes at human resources. Notes From Nerdvana is an equal opportunity employer.