Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I've been thinking about pop Divas lately, which is odd since I'm not all that interested in the music they produce. What intrigues me is how there only seems to be room for one Supreme Diva at a time...like for some reason pop culture and society can't handle more than one.

So, for me, the easiest way to figure this out is with the fatuous male analogy of relating them to:

Cyndi Lauper was the cool older girl that would still hang out with you. She was fun & you could hang out knowing there wasn't any chance that it would last. She was going to go off and spend like, 6 months at community college before becoming a bartender in your hometown that you'd see when you came home on summer break and would let you buy beer even though you weren't 21 yet.

Madonna was the first college girl you went out with while you were still in high school. There was never a chance that it would last, because as soon as she could she'd be dating a professor or some grad school guy with a cooler car. It was a relationship in your mind only that would flame out after a month with you much more in love with her than she ever was in you.

Whitney Houston was the good girl who dated bad boys. It was a relationship that had nothing but drama, because either they were still together, which meant all she would talk about is how she was going to change him (which, by the way, never works. If you can't convince a guy to change out of his sweatpants before a date, you're not going to get him to change his life...but I digress) or they had just broken up & she spent all her time crying about how he was misunderstood & you were such a good friend for listening to her problems. Eventually, they'd get back together & spend the rest of their time mutually destroying each other.

Britney Spears was the wild card. If you took her to a party, there was a 50/50 chance that she'd get wild & rip off her top or drink too much & spend the night in the corner crying because her daddy didn't love her or some other girl didn't like her or the nachos were all gone. The headaches weren't worth the fun.

Christina Aguilera seemed to be the one. Pretty, smart, just wild enough to be fun but not likely to go nuts. She was the one that you couldn't believe was actually going out with you, but you thanked your lucky stars she did. Unfortunately, you'd screw it up because of....

Lady GaGa...the crazy one. We're talking stone cold, batpoop, bouncing off the wall nuts. The art school/drama club girl who would do anything and I mean anything. She was just as likely to give you the greatest night of your life as she was to get you into a fight for no apparent reason. The girl that you would hide any and all sharp & stabby objects from when she came over. You knew it was a bad idea, but you couldn't stay away.

And this is the reason that Christina can't compete with GaGa today. She's settled down & had a child. Xtina still has the chops, but she's not dangerous anymore. For better or worse, the universe prefers crazy & talented to just talented, and GaGa has crazy to spare.

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