Friday, June 11, 2010

Ain't That A Kick In The Head?

Apparently, the World Cup started today. Apparently, this is a big deal to 90% of the world, 5% of Americans who love soccer (and I bet I'm being generous with that number,)and 4% of Americans who feel the need to shout "USA, USA" in a large crowd. The other 1%, of which I'm a proud member, couldn't care less.

If you love soccer, more power to you. Have a ball (no pun intended) for the next month. Go nuts. As for me, there's not a device on the planet that can measure my indifference to the game.

I've heard all the arguments: "It's the most popular sport in the world. It promotes goodwill & teamwork. You just don't get it." You're not gonna change my mind.

Look, any activity where you can run for 90 minutes & still wind up with a 0-0 tie is not a sport. It's enclosed cross-country. It's the worst high school gym class ever.

People have been saying for 40 years that soccer's going to be huge in America. Its not. It never will be. Except with that special breed of parents who drag little Caitlin or Katelyn or kate-Lynn out to the field every Saturday for 6 months to watch her run around in circles so she'll get a trophy for "Participation."

This is supposed to be "Character Building." I suspect if you got these same parents slightly buzzed, they'd admit that having little Mackenzie or McKenzee or Beulah sprinting around just wears them out enough so Mom & Dad can catch a nap.

So fans, enjoy the spectacle of the World Cup. Drink it in. Savor it. Just don't be offended by my indifference. It's not that I'm apathetic...I just don't care.

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