I'm not a regular viewer of the Food Network. But my only other treadmill viewing options at the gym yesterday were CNN and Fast Money on MSNBC, so I went with the channel that was least likely to make me need anti-depressants. What I saw shook me to the core.
Food Network Lady (or "FNL" for short) was attempting to "spice up" scrambled eggs. First of all, next to bacon, scrambled eggs are the perfect food...there's no reason to "spice them up." And secondly, according to Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph D and his intensive scrambled egg research, "Scrambled eggs are as good as they're ever going to get." This, of course was right before his breakthrough work with bioluminescent goldfish. But I digress.
ANYWAY...imagine my horror when FNL unveiled that her secret ingredient for "spicing up" scrambled eggs was...wait for it...asparagus! Friends & neighbors, I almost fell off the treadmill.
Now, I'm not one of those Amish food people who believe that any deviation from the norm is the work of Beezlebub. I've been know to throw some bacon bits on my peanut butter sandwich (shut up...I like it) and Lord knows that hash browns go to a whole 'nother level when they get scattered, smothered & covered.
But there is something so stomach-churningly wrong about adding asparagus to scrambled eggs that words fail me. Adding asparagus to anything is bad enough, but what did those poor eggs ever do to deserve that?
Oh, yeah...she made a special drink to wash down this gastrointestinal WMD she created...Pineapple Margaritas.
Somebody get me some Maalox.