Monday, November 3, 2008

An Etiquitte Guide To Winning & Losing

No matter what happens tomorrow, somebody's candidate is going to win and somebody's candidate is going to lose. In an effort to (once again) salvage the upcoming Thanksgiving/Christmas season, Notes From Nerdvana humbly offers this handy guide to post-election etiquitte.


Among fellow supporters, you have until the end of the week to gloat, crow and chortle to your hearts content. Write heartfelt & obnoxious blogs, high five each other, send smug emails...whatever. Until Friday midnight, feel free to go nuts!

Among a mixed crowd, public gloating should end by midnight Wednesday. No matter the outcome, there's going to be any number of your friends and/or family who are not happy. Resist the urge to rub it in. Win with style and grace. To quote the former (and fictional) White House Chief of Staff Leo McGarry..."We don't strut. Ever!"

If you made a bet on the outcome of the election and off quickly and without comment. If the wager was for cash, do not pay in a Hefty bag of unrolled pennies and Canadian quarters. If you made a wager involving personal services to the winner, fulfill the obligation as quickly and with as much dignity as you can muster. If the outcome of your wager winds up on You Tube for the entire world to see, you deserve what you get for not clearly setting the parameters of said wager.

If you win a bet...accept your winnings with a simple knowing smile. Resist the urge to say "I told you so" or anything similar unless you are also prepared to take a kick in the junk from a disgruntled loser.

In the event of a Democratic victory, be as gentle as possible with our Republican bretheren and sisteren. Losing elections is a new thing for them....especially if it's a landslide. They are going to be disoriented and cranky. If they resist any kind words or encouragement and seem to have lost the power of speech, back away slowly. This should pass in a few days. Simply put them to bed with a cookie, a bottle of Boone's Farm wine and Bill O'Reilly's latest book. If symptoms persist after the inauguration, then continue administering Boone's Farm liberally (no pun intended) until 2016.

One final bit of pre-election advice for the more radical wings of both parties....

If your guy loses, it's not because the other side is a bunch of socialist, Marxist, America hating, left wing/right wing character assasins who are racist/intolerant redneck conserviliberal war hating war loving surrender monkeys who want to bomb the whole world.

It's simply because a majority of voters decided that the other candidate was who they wanted to be in office. No less.

Good Night and Good Luck and God Bless America!

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