Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Driving Me Crazy

Dear Other Motorists...
I know we've had a rocky relationship lately. We just can't get on the same page and it's causing us stress. I've examined our relationship & have come to one conclusion: It's not me, it's you.

You seem to be bipolar, especially the last few days. You see, either you're in front of me going 10 miles under the speed limit or you're behind me trying to go 10 miles faster than me while ignoring the basic principle of physics that states that two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time.

The slowness I don't have a huge problem with. Yes, it's annoying for me, but something that I can ultimately get over. It's the second trait that's causing me worry. You see, in the first place, I drive a large truck. Often, when you think I'm just leisurely cruising along, I actually have another vehicle in front of me and, since I have no desire to send their back seat flying suddenly into their front seat, I need to keep a little space between us. I know you can't see this, but we've been together long enough that you should trust me on this once in awhile.

In the second place, the idea that you're so much more important than I am hurts me deeply. I know there are times when I'm driving a little slower than you. Believe me, it's not to annoy you. It's that I have this ridiculous aversion to either (a) get a ticket or (b) slamming into inanimate objects like trees, guard rails and other cars just so you can save a few minutes. As someone with a fairly large ego, I understand the concept that you are the center of the universe. Trust me on're not.

So, dear other driver, I'm asking you seek help & be patient or there may be consequences. Consider truck is 9 years old, fully insured and I don't particularly care what happens to it at this point. Keep pushing me & you may find out what someone with nothing to lose, transportation-wise, will to to end a relationship.

All the best...

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