Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Gym Rat

Almost a year ago, I joined a gym. I enjoy it, but it has led to some...interesting observations.

*Women have coordinated workout outfits. The shorts or pants & shirt match. They're put together. Men grab whatever their wives haven't thrown out or hasn't fallen apart yet. Lots of bandannas, big baggy shorts and "Where's The Beef" T-Shirts.

*Anytime before noon is senior citizen time. Treadmills that barely move, lots of khaki pants, plaid shirts & black socks (little old men dress up to work out like they're going to Golden Corral for dinner), and lots and lots of standing around.

*Why are the guys who primarily lift weights so ticked off? I mean, it's obvious they're strong and muscular and if I were strong and muscular, I'd be in a pretty good mood. Not these guys. They look like they're going in for their annual prostate exam.

*If you haven't been inside a locker room since high school, you aren't missing anything. They all vaguely smell of disinfectant, sweat and desperation.

*Speaking of locker rooms...stop walking around naked old guys. Seriously, just because you won World War II and kept Communists from taking over America doesn't mean you get to parade around in the buff.

*Nothing motivates me to work out harder than having every TV tuned to either CNN, Fox News or Fast Money. I'll kick the treadmill up to 20 just to get away faster.

*There's always that one lady who, either because of her looks, workout attire or attitude that you suspect is actually a stripper.

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