From a source I cannot name, I've gotten a brief synopsis of the new season of "24" that begins airing in January. Sounds like a radical new direction for the hit Fox show.
"Jack Bauer has saved the day countless times and he's finally had enough. This season on 24, see what happens when the only man for the job...calls in sick!"
Episode 1 7:00am-9:00am
In the thrilling season premiere, Jack decides he's earned a day off. Using all his training, he calls into CTU pretending to have the stomach flu. He spends the morning watching "Today" and wonders if Meredith Viera is really as nice as she seems on TV.
Episode 2 10:00am-11:00am
Jack makes disparaging remarks about Kathie Lee Gifford and the other lady on the third hour of "Today."
Episode 3 12:00pm-1:00pm
Jack dances with Ellen & then makes himself a couple of breakfast Hot Pockets.
Episode 4 2:00pm-3:00pm
Jack spends a tense hour in the bathroom as a result of his poor choice of breakfasts. Screens calls from CTU.
Episode 5 4:00pm-5:00pm
Jack's rage boils over as he smashes his "Guitar Hero" controller when he can't play "Daydream Believer" on easy. Frustrated, he cries about how the game is "cheating him."
Episode 6 6:00pm-8:00pm
Jack's "private time" with the new Lane Bryant catalog. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Episode 7 9:00pm-10:00pm
Jack risks death once again by daring to eat another Hot Pocket.
Episode 8 11:00pm-12:00am
Hot Pocket once again tortures Jack, more bathroom time.
Episode 9 1:00am-2:00am
Facebook status updated, sends friend requests to Jason Bourne, James Bond and Lou Diamond Phillips
Episode 10 3:00am-4:00am
Soothing his pain with alcohol, accidentally drunk dials Chloe. Awkward silence ensues
Episode 11 5:00am-6:00am
Season Finale. Jack collapses into bed, fitfully praying for a snow day. Awakens disappointed to remember that it's May.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Season's Greetings
Seems like we waste a lot of time & stress during December trying to figure out just what to say to people to convey our wish that they have a joyous holiday no matter how he or she may choose to celebrate it (or not celebrate it, as the case may be.) So, I have a modest proposal that might just alleviate some of the headaches.
If you're not sure whether Joe in the cubicle next to you or Susie the barista celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus or nothing at all, but still want to say something, say "Waffles."
Think about it. Waffles are an inherently happy food. They're fun to make, fun to eat and bad things rarely happen when they're part of the menu. When people break up, they go out for dinner. No one gets dumped over waffles.
So the next time you're twisting yourself into a mental pretzel (also a fun food) trying to convey holiday cheer without potentially ticking off a relative stranger, just give them a big ol' grin and say "Waffles."
If you're not sure whether Joe in the cubicle next to you or Susie the barista celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus or nothing at all, but still want to say something, say "Waffles."
Think about it. Waffles are an inherently happy food. They're fun to make, fun to eat and bad things rarely happen when they're part of the menu. When people break up, they go out for dinner. No one gets dumped over waffles.
So the next time you're twisting yourself into a mental pretzel (also a fun food) trying to convey holiday cheer without potentially ticking off a relative stranger, just give them a big ol' grin and say "Waffles."
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thanks
It's Thanksgiving Eve, which is as good a time as any to express some gratitude:
*To my family, thanks for always being there for me even when we're far apart
*To my friends, thanks for letting me be myself even when I'm a big, hot mess. You make my bad days godd & my good days better.
*To the creative people behind Glee & The Big Bang Theory: Your shows make me happy & hopeful.
*To anyone who's taken me in over the years...I do appreciate it.
I hope you all have the best Thanksgiving ever. I don't say it enough, but you're always in my thoughts and prayers.
*To my family, thanks for always being there for me even when we're far apart
*To my friends, thanks for letting me be myself even when I'm a big, hot mess. You make my bad days godd & my good days better.
*To the creative people behind Glee & The Big Bang Theory: Your shows make me happy & hopeful.
*To anyone who's taken me in over the years...I do appreciate it.
I hope you all have the best Thanksgiving ever. I don't say it enough, but you're always in my thoughts and prayers.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Gone But Not Forgotten
There are a lot of people, places & things that are no longer a part of my life, but I still miss them. Here are just a few...
- Jerry Orbach
- Giant Christmas catalogs from Sears & JC Penney
- Hanging out at Ocean Avenue in Chattanooga after shows at WTCI
- DeForest Kelley
- Having only three major networks
- Johnny Cash
- My Grandparents
- Post auction parties at WNIN
- Watching double MASH with Jim & Steve at MTSU
- Mr. Rogers
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
Okay folks, I'm gonna have to go ahead & ask for your patience early. You see, Sunday starts my absolute favorite time of the year. From the first of November through (roughly) 5 pm on Christmas Day, I'm more insufferable than usual because I'm gonna have that holly jolly holiday spirit if it kills me.
I know, I know...November 1st is way too early to start thinking about Christmas. But it's not just Christmas...I love Thanksgiving as well. In fact, most every Thanksgiving has been pretty cool except for 1986, which I like to call "The Great Baloney Thanksgiving." Here's the story...
I was a senior in high school. The girl I'd been dating kinda, sorta dumped me the day before Turkey Day. On Thanksgiving itself, I got called into work early that morning. My parents were leaving after lunch to visit relatives out of town, but my Mother says, "Go on to work, I'll fix you some fried chicken & stuff to eat when you get back." We never were a huge turkey family...anyway, I hustle off to carry golf bags for rich dudes who weren't going to up their tips just because it was a holiday, but I figure I'll have some good grub when I get back.
I get home, parents are packing the car. I innocently wander into the kitchen, expecting to find my Thanksgiving bird all ready. "Funny," I think, "I don't smell anything. What's up with that?" My beloved mother, in her haste to get on the road, forgot to make it. I get an apology, some money for the weekend, and a "Have fun." But no chicken.
So, that was the Thanksgiving that my dumped self ate a baloney sandwich & listened to OMD's "If You Leave" over and over and over again that night.
The weekend improved & I felt somewhat better. I didn't even try and use the guilt angle to improve my Christmas haul, which I thought was very mature of me.
The moral: No moral really...except that a baloney sandwich & pre-emo getting dumped music is a crappy way to spend Thanksgiving.
I know, I know...November 1st is way too early to start thinking about Christmas. But it's not just Christmas...I love Thanksgiving as well. In fact, most every Thanksgiving has been pretty cool except for 1986, which I like to call "The Great Baloney Thanksgiving." Here's the story...
I was a senior in high school. The girl I'd been dating kinda, sorta dumped me the day before Turkey Day. On Thanksgiving itself, I got called into work early that morning. My parents were leaving after lunch to visit relatives out of town, but my Mother says, "Go on to work, I'll fix you some fried chicken & stuff to eat when you get back." We never were a huge turkey family...anyway, I hustle off to carry golf bags for rich dudes who weren't going to up their tips just because it was a holiday, but I figure I'll have some good grub when I get back.
I get home, parents are packing the car. I innocently wander into the kitchen, expecting to find my Thanksgiving bird all ready. "Funny," I think, "I don't smell anything. What's up with that?" My beloved mother, in her haste to get on the road, forgot to make it. I get an apology, some money for the weekend, and a "Have fun." But no chicken.
So, that was the Thanksgiving that my dumped self ate a baloney sandwich & listened to OMD's "If You Leave" over and over and over again that night.
The weekend improved & I felt somewhat better. I didn't even try and use the guilt angle to improve my Christmas haul, which I thought was very mature of me.
The moral: No moral really...except that a baloney sandwich & pre-emo getting dumped music is a crappy way to spend Thanksgiving.
Monday, October 5, 2009
5 Years At The Worx
Five years ago this week, Grumpy Santa Richard Gardener either (a) made a good decision or (b) took leave of his senses entirely and asked me to join ComedyWorx.
While I won't go so far as to say that improv saved my life, I will say that being a part of the club has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me.
So...if I've performed with you, practiced with you, supported a show with you, taken a class or workshop with you, hung out before or after a show....please know that you've blessed me and made me a better improviser and person in big and small ways.
Thank you for your friendship and support.
To quote the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need."
Here's to five more years!
While I won't go so far as to say that improv saved my life, I will say that being a part of the club has been one of the best things that's ever happened to me.
So...if I've performed with you, practiced with you, supported a show with you, taken a class or workshop with you, hung out before or after a show....please know that you've blessed me and made me a better improviser and person in big and small ways.
Thank you for your friendship and support.
To quote the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need."
Here's to five more years!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Worms, Roxanne, Worms!
These days, everybody's got an outlet for their opinions. If they're not blogging, they're Twittering and if they're not Twittering, they're Facebooking, letting anyone with a connection to the World Wide Interwebs expound on any number of topics that tickle their fancy (if that's your idea of a good time.)
But there are many things that are difficult to convey in online communication. For instance, there are no emoticons for sarcasm or irony.
For example, if I'm chatting with a friend over coffee and say something like "Sarah Palin would make an excellent President," he would know by my tone of voice & facial expression that I'd rather slide down a bannister made of razor blades into a tub of bactine than see Palin in the White House.
But if I put the same thing on Twitter, I'm going to get hundreds of responses questioning my sanity...as well I should.
It all comes down to tone. There is no tone in a status update. While you may post about being a little blue on a Monday, what people read is that you're 5 seconds away from slitting your wrists.
So be careful. Words have power and you can alarm or anger people without knowing or intending to do so. Just to prove my point, I'll leave you with one more example. I'll type a sentence that, without tone or context, should freak people out. Ready? Here goes:
"Roman Polanski would be an excellent Teen Choice Awards host."
But there are many things that are difficult to convey in online communication. For instance, there are no emoticons for sarcasm or irony.
For example, if I'm chatting with a friend over coffee and say something like "Sarah Palin would make an excellent President," he would know by my tone of voice & facial expression that I'd rather slide down a bannister made of razor blades into a tub of bactine than see Palin in the White House.
But if I put the same thing on Twitter, I'm going to get hundreds of responses questioning my sanity...as well I should.
It all comes down to tone. There is no tone in a status update. While you may post about being a little blue on a Monday, what people read is that you're 5 seconds away from slitting your wrists.
So be careful. Words have power and you can alarm or anger people without knowing or intending to do so. Just to prove my point, I'll leave you with one more example. I'll type a sentence that, without tone or context, should freak people out. Ready? Here goes:
"Roman Polanski would be an excellent Teen Choice Awards host."
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