Season's Greetings

Seems like we waste a lot of time & stress during December trying to figure out just what to say to people to convey our wish that they have a joyous holiday no matter how he or she may choose to celebrate it (or not celebrate it, as the case may be.) So, I have a modest proposal that might just alleviate some of the headaches.

If you're not sure whether Joe in the cubicle next to you or Susie the barista celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus or nothing at all, but still want to say something, say "Waffles."

Think about it. Waffles are an inherently happy food. They're fun to make, fun to eat and bad things rarely happen when they're part of the menu. When people break up, they go out for dinner. No one gets dumped over waffles.

So the next time you're twisting yourself into a mental pretzel (also a fun food) trying to convey holiday cheer without potentially ticking off a relative stranger, just give them a big ol' grin and say "Waffles."

My Christmas Specials

Every year beginning right after Thanksgiving, I start watching the various Christmas specials & episodes that I have accumulated on DVD. I never get all of the ones I want to see watched, but I give it the old college try.

As the season winds down, I thought I'd share my Christmas season playlist. In no particular order, here's what made me Holly & Jolly this year:

It's A Wonderful Life

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

The Dick Van Dyke Show: "The Alan Brady Show Presents"...Rob, Laura & the cast celebrate Christmas at the Alan Brady Show

The West Wing: "In Excelsis Deo"...Toby honors a homeless vet, President Bartlet goes Christmas shopping & Mrs. Landingham misses her boys

Saturday Night Live: The Best of Christmas Past...classic sketches from Belushi, Aykroyd & Farley

The Year Without A Santa Claus

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

A Charlie Brown Christmas

So, however you're spending Christmas Eve, from my blog to yours Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and to all a good night!

Careful What You Wish For...12 Days Edition

Because I was bored the other day, I did some math while listening to "The 12 Days of Christmas."

There were 23 birds given during the aforementioned 12 days. Think about that for a second...23 birds. Even by Victorian standards, that's a lot of poultry. I imagine that the lady's "True Love", being a typically clueless gift giving dude thought to himself "She really seemed to like that partridge in a pear tree. That means she likes birds. I'm gonna get her more birds."

After the 4th day, the lady was hinting strongly that if she got any more birds, she would deck him instead of the halls, so he ditched the 5 Chickens Clucking and resorted to jewelry...always a safe fallback gift. Unfortunately, he'd already bought the 7 swans a swimming and the 6 geese a laying and lost the receipts...which is why his beloved got 5 rings instead of one K-Mart chain purchased right before closing.

You have to be really careful when even casually mentioning things you like around gift giving times. I'm reminded of the time I made an offhand remark to Sainted Wife's grandmother that I liked Red Hots. What I meant was that once every 10 years or so, I might eat half a box of Red Hots, remember why I stopped eating them in third grade and throw the rest away.

What she took from the conversation was that Red Hots were my absolute favorite thing in the whole wide world. Which explains why I received a four-foot plastic candy cane full of Red Hots the following Christmas. In retrospect, I wish I had told her I liked 5 dollar bills.

Snow Days

I know it's a bit early, but if the stores can have their halls decked already, I can write my first Christmas themed blog.

Note I said "Christmas"...no disrespect to anyone's individual beliefs, but I celebrate Christmas, decorate a Christmas tree, sing Christmas Carols and write this blog...so it's always gonna be Christmas here at Nerdvana World Headquarters.

We're on the cusp of the annual deluge of Christmas music & I feel I must clear up a common misconception...

"Let It Snow" is NOT a Christmas song. Never has been, never will be no matter how many Christmas CDs it winds up on. "Let It Snow" is about a guy trying to use bad weather as a reason to score.

There's nothing wrong with this in and of itself. It's the theme of about 90% of all pop songs ever written. HOWEVER...trying to pass it off as a Christmas song just because it features snow doesn't wash with me.

There are plenty of Christmas songs, both religous and secular, to choose from. "Let It Snow" isn't one of them.

"But it's about winter, like Winter Wonderland.", I hear you argue. Fine...find me a radio station that plays either song any other time but December and I'll concede the point.

Until then, both songs are off my Christmas playlist.

Yule Love It!

So, for whatever reason, I was feeling kind of down today. Nothing was especially bumming me out, but nonetheless I had the blues.

I had resigned myself to just riding it out...and then I had an inspiration.

I went to the You Tube and built a playlist around my favorite time of the year...Christmas.

You see, the few short weeks starting with Thanksgiving Eve (hey, every holiday should have an "eve") through December 26 mark the highlight of my year. I love everything about it. I'm generally in such a good mood that I can't even muster much aggravation at the two most recent grinches of the season...People who hate the holiday and feel that no one should celebrate it in any fashion and extreme conservatives who think that not being allowed to put a manger up in city hall constitutes a "war on Christmas". At any other time of year, extremists of this sort could look forward to a severe tongue lashing at how monumentally stupid they were being...but they get a "Peace On Earth, Goodwill to Men" pass.

So, my playlist...in case anyone was curious....here's what the You Tube provided to lift my mood...

• Hardrock, Coco and Joe: A pre-Rankin/Bass stop motion extravaganza that occasionally shows up on WGN during the holiday season

• Nat King Cole: The Christmas Song

• A Charlie Brown Christmas: Linus's speech about the true meaning of Christmas

• John Lennon: Happy Christmas, War Is Over

• Weird Al Yankovic: Christmas At Ground Zero

• I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas

• MST3K: A Patrick Swayze Christmas

• MST3K: Merry Christmas, If that's OK

• Judy Garland: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

• Cartoon Voice Actors Read "Twas The Night Before Christmas"

• Twisted Sister: O Come All Ye Faithful: What's a Christmas playlist without a traditional carol?

• David Bowie/Bing Crosby: Little Drummer Boy

So, there you have it...I plan to add to it & keep my Christmas spirit to the last. God bless us, everyone!