The Rules

We all have our own set of rules, precepts or codes that we live our lives by...bits of black & white in a shades of gray world. Here are some of mine.

#4 Do not talk to me in a public restroom. We can socialize all you want after I'm done with my business.

#4a If said restroom business involves one of us in a stall with the door closed, the rule may be amended to allow one and only one line of conversation: "Is there any toilet paper out there?"

#27 If we disagree on matters of theology or religion, you're not going to change my mind and I'm not going to change yours. Let's just agree to go get ice cream & avoid hours of pointless bickering.

#54 I have reached an age where I don't have the patience or inclination to even muster polite, socially acceptable interest in topics I could care less about. So, if you're talking to me about sports, the bored look on my face isn't going to change anytime soon.

#75 If you are a band that has (a) enough hits for a "Greatest Hits" album & (b) I have paid more than $25 per ticket to see you...play your friggin' hits. Unless I have to go to the bathroom, I have no desire to hear cuts off your new album. Exception: Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band.

#82 If you state an opinion about any topic with arrogance and/or ignorance, I will mock you (Also known as "The D-Bag Rule.")

# 97 Wrestling fans posting on internet message boards: It's spelled "feud," not "fued." Don't ignore the spell check line

#145 Improv and stand-up are two vastly different things. Please learn the difference.

#245 Don't tell me I remind you of someone's dad unless you want to run the risk of getting kicked in the shins

#467 If I am sober enough to drive home, I am too sober to dance in public