As a person with an unhealthy love for television (if I don't turn my set on, the cable company will call and ask if I'm OK), I've often dreamed of programming my own network. Because I know you've been sitting around asking yourselves the burning question, "What shows, past & present would Chris put on his channel?", I'm gonna tell you.
MONDAY
The Big Bang Theory
Scrubs
MASH
WKRP in Cincinnati
Northern Exposure
TUESDAY
NCIS
The West Wing
Law & Order: Criminal Intent
WEDNESDAY
The Andy Griffith Show (Black & White episodes only)
The Dick Van Dyke Show
SportsNight
Seinfeld
Star Trek
THURSDAY
30 Rock
The Office
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Battlestar Galactica
FRIDAY
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Doctor Who
The Rockford Files
SATURDAY
Dragnet (68-70, Dirty hippies version)
Andy Richter Controls The Universe
Frasier
Firefly
SUNDAY
The Simpsons
King of the Hill
American Dad
Night Court
Hill Street Blues
There were a lot of shows I love that didn't make my prime time schedule. Rest assured, I would find slots for them in other dayparts. But this is a schedule that would keep me glued to my seat every night of the week.
Showing posts with label tv. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tv. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Justify My Love
I've spent far too much time over the course of my 40 years explaining, defending or sometimes outright apologizing for movies, music & TV shows that I enjoy. Well, not any more. The crappy things I love (and make no mistake, some of the stuff I love is pure unadulterated crap) are crap, but they're my crap, dagnabit! Confession is good for the soul, so here's a few things that I have adored and, in some cases, still do:
Bruce Willis' "The Return of Bruno"
I listened to the cassette so much, I wore it out. If it was available on CD, I'd wear that out as well
"Rhinestone" starring Sylvester Stallone & Dolly Parton
There's nothing funnier than Stallone trying to be a country singer...except Stallone making his debut singing "Drinkingstein." I had the soundtrack to this as well
Grease 2
I liked it better than Grease & watched it at least once a day the summer I taped it off of HBO
"Convoy" by CW McCall
The ultimate truck driving song. I even bought McCall's Greatest Hits CD.
Hudson Hawk
Bruce Willis strikes again! A complete mess of a movie that entertains me every time I see it.
"Patches" by Clarence Carter
Maybe not as well known as "Strokin", but this "dead father places burden of family farm on son" song is awesome on so many levels.
Necessary Roughness
I love this Scott Bakula/Kathy Ireland football epic like a fat kid loves cookies.
Hee Haw
Grew up watching it. Still love it. The Hee Haw Honeys were my first crush.
There are many, many more that I could list...and still might. Some would say that this is my "guilty pleasure" list. They would be incorrect. I don't feel guilty at all.
I love this crap!
Bruce Willis' "The Return of Bruno"
I listened to the cassette so much, I wore it out. If it was available on CD, I'd wear that out as well
"Rhinestone" starring Sylvester Stallone & Dolly Parton
There's nothing funnier than Stallone trying to be a country singer...except Stallone making his debut singing "Drinkingstein." I had the soundtrack to this as well
Grease 2
I liked it better than Grease & watched it at least once a day the summer I taped it off of HBO
"Convoy" by CW McCall
The ultimate truck driving song. I even bought McCall's Greatest Hits CD.
Hudson Hawk
Bruce Willis strikes again! A complete mess of a movie that entertains me every time I see it.
"Patches" by Clarence Carter
Maybe not as well known as "Strokin", but this "dead father places burden of family farm on son" song is awesome on so many levels.
Necessary Roughness
I love this Scott Bakula/Kathy Ireland football epic like a fat kid loves cookies.
Hee Haw
Grew up watching it. Still love it. The Hee Haw Honeys were my first crush.
There are many, many more that I could list...and still might. Some would say that this is my "guilty pleasure" list. They would be incorrect. I don't feel guilty at all.
I love this crap!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Idol Chatter
It's finally here. Can you feel the electricity in the air? American Idol is back on our TV machines! Bad auditions! Dreams coming true! Crazy Paula! Jerky Simon! The New Girl with no distinct characteristics yet! The culmination of all that is good and wonderful in the world!!!!!!
And, just to clear things up before the big premiere, I don't give a crap.
When I say I don't give a crap, I mean I really, really, really don't give a crap. I don't give a crap about the psychos who don't have a shot but humiliate themselves for the chance to be on TV. I don't give a crap about the final (what seems like) 200 who spend (what seems like) nine months being whittled down to the final two. I don't give a crap about the judges, the song choices, the guest stars, the never ending media obsession, the eventual winner, the eventual winner's crappy debut album or pretty much anything associated with the show. If possible, I give even less of a crap about Ryan Seacrest.
Now before you Idol fans start losing your minds, let me be clear: If you enjoy the show, good for you. I am in no way, shape or form suggesting that there is anything wrong with being a fan. If it brings you joy or happiness, then more power to you. Feel free to watch & vote & root, root, root for your favorite contestant.
I however, as stated above, don't give a crap. Knowing this up front will save everyone some awkward moments in the coming months. I don't have to pretend to be interested in the show just to avoid being rude. We can find other topics of conversation that don't involve you trying to convince me that American Idol is worth my time and attention. Trust me, you're not going to convince me of that.
So enjoy the new season, Dawg! I'll just sit over here & enjoy the shows that are probably going to be canceled simply because they had the misfortune to be scheduled against Idol.
Ayers Out!
And, just to clear things up before the big premiere, I don't give a crap.
When I say I don't give a crap, I mean I really, really, really don't give a crap. I don't give a crap about the psychos who don't have a shot but humiliate themselves for the chance to be on TV. I don't give a crap about the final (what seems like) 200 who spend (what seems like) nine months being whittled down to the final two. I don't give a crap about the judges, the song choices, the guest stars, the never ending media obsession, the eventual winner, the eventual winner's crappy debut album or pretty much anything associated with the show. If possible, I give even less of a crap about Ryan Seacrest.
Now before you Idol fans start losing your minds, let me be clear: If you enjoy the show, good for you. I am in no way, shape or form suggesting that there is anything wrong with being a fan. If it brings you joy or happiness, then more power to you. Feel free to watch & vote & root, root, root for your favorite contestant.
I however, as stated above, don't give a crap. Knowing this up front will save everyone some awkward moments in the coming months. I don't have to pretend to be interested in the show just to avoid being rude. We can find other topics of conversation that don't involve you trying to convince me that American Idol is worth my time and attention. Trust me, you're not going to convince me of that.
So enjoy the new season, Dawg! I'll just sit over here & enjoy the shows that are probably going to be canceled simply because they had the misfortune to be scheduled against Idol.
Ayers Out!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Election Day...TV Land Edition
With Andy Griffith, Ron Howard and Henry Winkler endorsing Barack Obama as their beloved tv alter egos in a new web video, it got me wondering just who the classic characters from my favorite shows would vote for.
So, let's go to the exit polls in TV Land & see what happened.
*From the 4077th MASH: Hawkeye Pierce, Trapper John, BJ Hunnicutt, Father Mulcahy, Max Klinger, Sherman Potter and Radar O'Reilly all voted for Obama. Splitting the vote, early years Hot Lips voted for McCain, while later years Hot Lips went with Obama. Major Charles Emerson Winchester also supported the Illinois Senator while Frank Burns voted for McCain.
*Obama swept the Mayberry, North Carolina district with the entire town voting for Change.
*McCain supporters included MacGyver, JR Ewing and Homer Simpson, who mistakenly thought he was voting for "McBain". When asked for a comment, Simpson replied "D'oh!"
*In Florida, the Golden Girls also split their vote. Dorothy and Rose went for Obama while Blanche voted for that "hunk of a man McCain." Sophia also voted for McCain, primarily because he was her date to the senior prom.
*Battleground state Pennsylvania saw Scranton's Dunder-Mifflin Paper solidly in Obama's camp with the entire office voting for him. The sole exceptions were accountant Angela and salesman Dwight Schrute. Oddly, the couple shared the same voting booth and could be heard loudly moaning, obviously agonizing over how to cast their ballots.
*At Bayside High's mock election, all votes went to Obama except one. A young man identified only as "Screech" cast his vote for McCain, stating that running mate Sarah Palin "made him feel all tingly."
Some precincts are still too close to call. The Dharma Initiative island is embroiled in a scandal involving the purge of smoke monsters from the voting rolls and in Camden County, local election official Joy Turner is refusing to release results until she gets "some of that Palin clothes money. Do you know how many tube tops $150 large will buy?"
But all in all, TV Land looks solidly blue this election year.
We now return to Murphy Brown and Ted Baxter at Election Central. This has been Les Nessman reporting for WKRP.
So, let's go to the exit polls in TV Land & see what happened.
*From the 4077th MASH: Hawkeye Pierce, Trapper John, BJ Hunnicutt, Father Mulcahy, Max Klinger, Sherman Potter and Radar O'Reilly all voted for Obama. Splitting the vote, early years Hot Lips voted for McCain, while later years Hot Lips went with Obama. Major Charles Emerson Winchester also supported the Illinois Senator while Frank Burns voted for McCain.
*Obama swept the Mayberry, North Carolina district with the entire town voting for Change.
*McCain supporters included MacGyver, JR Ewing and Homer Simpson, who mistakenly thought he was voting for "McBain". When asked for a comment, Simpson replied "D'oh!"
*In Florida, the Golden Girls also split their vote. Dorothy and Rose went for Obama while Blanche voted for that "hunk of a man McCain." Sophia also voted for McCain, primarily because he was her date to the senior prom.
*Battleground state Pennsylvania saw Scranton's Dunder-Mifflin Paper solidly in Obama's camp with the entire office voting for him. The sole exceptions were accountant Angela and salesman Dwight Schrute. Oddly, the couple shared the same voting booth and could be heard loudly moaning, obviously agonizing over how to cast their ballots.
*At Bayside High's mock election, all votes went to Obama except one. A young man identified only as "Screech" cast his vote for McCain, stating that running mate Sarah Palin "made him feel all tingly."
Some precincts are still too close to call. The Dharma Initiative island is embroiled in a scandal involving the purge of smoke monsters from the voting rolls and in Camden County, local election official Joy Turner is refusing to release results until she gets "some of that Palin clothes money. Do you know how many tube tops $150 large will buy?"
But all in all, TV Land looks solidly blue this election year.
We now return to Murphy Brown and Ted Baxter at Election Central. This has been Les Nessman reporting for WKRP.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Too Much Information
I blame John Hughes. He's the reason we have to put up with Tyra, Maury, Judge Judy, The Real World, Janice Dickinson, Paris Hilton and the seemingly millions of other obnoxious narcissists who've crawled out from under their rocks with video cameras and decided to tell us every single detail about their pathetic lives.
It started in 1984 with a little film called "The Breakfast Club". It seemed harmless enough at the time...a teen dramedy about 5 mismatched kids spending the day in detention. A few laughs, a little romance (courtesy of the reptillian Judd Nelson and equally reptillian Molly Ringwald), a hit song, it makes a little money and everyone goes home happy. Every 16 year old I knew (including me) saw it.
The central theme of "The Breakfast Club" is "my life sucks and no one understands me". This wasn't a news flash to anyone who's ever been a teenager. But until "The Breakfast Club", no one felt the need to talk about it all the time. You might have complained to your friends, wrote in your diary or composed really bad free verse poetry but you didn't tell everyone on the planet.
But the kids who really dug "The Breakfast Club" (and I would bet any amount of money that they identified most closely with either Ally Sheedy or Anthony Michael Hall) grew up and became segment producers for Jerry Springer and Montel Williams. They wanted to find people whose lives sucked and wanted to talk about it. When the networks and syndicators saw how much money they could make off of morons who were willing to share the most intimate details of their lives with millions of strangers, that's when the floodgates opened and the freakshow began.
So, today we have talk shows and reality shows and You Tube and Facebook and My Space and we know every single thing about every single person we've ever come in contact with. The whole planet is a confessional. I kinda wish we'd go back to writing crappy poems.
It started in 1984 with a little film called "The Breakfast Club". It seemed harmless enough at the time...a teen dramedy about 5 mismatched kids spending the day in detention. A few laughs, a little romance (courtesy of the reptillian Judd Nelson and equally reptillian Molly Ringwald), a hit song, it makes a little money and everyone goes home happy. Every 16 year old I knew (including me) saw it.
The central theme of "The Breakfast Club" is "my life sucks and no one understands me". This wasn't a news flash to anyone who's ever been a teenager. But until "The Breakfast Club", no one felt the need to talk about it all the time. You might have complained to your friends, wrote in your diary or composed really bad free verse poetry but you didn't tell everyone on the planet.
But the kids who really dug "The Breakfast Club" (and I would bet any amount of money that they identified most closely with either Ally Sheedy or Anthony Michael Hall) grew up and became segment producers for Jerry Springer and Montel Williams. They wanted to find people whose lives sucked and wanted to talk about it. When the networks and syndicators saw how much money they could make off of morons who were willing to share the most intimate details of their lives with millions of strangers, that's when the floodgates opened and the freakshow began.
So, today we have talk shows and reality shows and You Tube and Facebook and My Space and we know every single thing about every single person we've ever come in contact with. The whole planet is a confessional. I kinda wish we'd go back to writing crappy poems.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
We Can Be Heroes
So, we're three weeks into the new season of "Heroes". Let's take a look at the good, the bad and the ugly and see how it's holding up.
A brief sidenote...I loved the first season & the second half of Season 2. Also, I assume that if you're reading this you've seen all the current episodes, so no spoiler warnings.
THE GOOD
*The new Nathan Petrelli. I like the idea that he's on a mission from God. It's a new direction for a one-note character.
*The return of Malcolm McDowell as the mysterious Linderman. Is he a ghost? Is he a figment of Nathan's imagination? Is he a Cylon? Whoops...wrong show. Whatever he is, McDowell is having a ball and Linderman is lots of fun to watch.
*Speaking of fun, without Hiro and Ando this show would be a major bummer. Hiro is the only one who likes having powers and Ando is glad to be along for the ride.
*I really like Daphne, the speedster. I hope she sticks around for awhile.
THE BAD
*Tracy (Ali Larter) has powers she doesn't want or understand, has killed someone with them and is hooking up with Nathan. Tracy, meet Nikki...the only real difference is she doesn't have a kid.
*Mohinder Suresh...winner of the Nobel Prize for stupidity in the fields of genetics, biology and hooking up with Maya.
*I find myself at times remembering how much I enjoyed the plots the first time around...when they were called "Days of Future Past" and "Kingdom Come".
*Why won't the writers just call them "powers"? That's what they are.
THE UGLY
*Hayden Panitierre act badly as a rebellious teen. She can't even come close to pulling off "Dark ClaireBear".
Despite my problems with it, I love many parts of "Heroes". Sylar, Noah and the return of Adam are always worth watching and the show is still fun despite some flaws.
So I'll be sticking with it for the long haul and hoping for the best.
A brief sidenote...I loved the first season & the second half of Season 2. Also, I assume that if you're reading this you've seen all the current episodes, so no spoiler warnings.
THE GOOD
*The new Nathan Petrelli. I like the idea that he's on a mission from God. It's a new direction for a one-note character.
*The return of Malcolm McDowell as the mysterious Linderman. Is he a ghost? Is he a figment of Nathan's imagination? Is he a Cylon? Whoops...wrong show. Whatever he is, McDowell is having a ball and Linderman is lots of fun to watch.
*Speaking of fun, without Hiro and Ando this show would be a major bummer. Hiro is the only one who likes having powers and Ando is glad to be along for the ride.
*I really like Daphne, the speedster. I hope she sticks around for awhile.
THE BAD
*Tracy (Ali Larter) has powers she doesn't want or understand, has killed someone with them and is hooking up with Nathan. Tracy, meet Nikki...the only real difference is she doesn't have a kid.
*Mohinder Suresh...winner of the Nobel Prize for stupidity in the fields of genetics, biology and hooking up with Maya.
*I find myself at times remembering how much I enjoyed the plots the first time around...when they were called "Days of Future Past" and "Kingdom Come".
*Why won't the writers just call them "powers"? That's what they are.
THE UGLY
*Hayden Panitierre act badly as a rebellious teen. She can't even come close to pulling off "Dark ClaireBear".
Despite my problems with it, I love many parts of "Heroes". Sylar, Noah and the return of Adam are always worth watching and the show is still fun despite some flaws.
So I'll be sticking with it for the long haul and hoping for the best.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Emmy Thoughts
Here are a few observations/ruminations about last nights Emmy awards.
*The 5 reality show hosts were a spectacularly bad idea. Tom Bergeron looked totally pissed off the entire evening, but he & Heidi Klum were the only two who didn't suck. Howie Mandel was ok, but the less said about Jeff Probst and Ryan Seacrest, the better.
*When 95% of the awards are won by cable networks, it says a lot about the quality of network television.
*Kathy Griffin demanding a standing ovation for Don Rickles justified her continued existence on the planet. I ordinarily would never, ever use the word "class" to describe her, but it was a classy move.
*Quoted for truth: "What did you win for? Reality program? So you didn't win for a real show." I love Don Rickles.
*Two good things will come from Stephen Colbert losing to Rickles: (1) I can't wait to hear his rant about it and (2) a probable appearance by Mr. Warmth on "The Colbert Report".
*I really loved "John Adams" winning most of its categories, but cutting off the writer while he was talking about a time when articulate men discussed important issues to tease the "Best Reality Show" award...not so much.
*Yay for 30 Rock...double yay for Alec Baldwin...triple yay for Tim Conway (one of the funniest men on the planet) winning for his guest role. Thanks, Tina Fey!
*Best presenter and (if the television academy had any brains at all) my choice for next year's host...Ricky Gervais.
*Josh Groban's theme show medley...cool. Josh Groban singing as Cartman from South Park...awesome!
*If your show is running long, perhaps consider cutting the painfully unfunny bit where the winner of Reality Host is delayed until after the commercial break. Better idea...dump the stupid reality show stuff back to basic cable and get it off a show that is supposed to honor creative and artistic achievement. Even better idea...dump reality all together, put the ridiculous sums earned from it into program development and talent acquisition and make shows that are thought provoking, exciting and funny again.
*The 5 reality show hosts were a spectacularly bad idea. Tom Bergeron looked totally pissed off the entire evening, but he & Heidi Klum were the only two who didn't suck. Howie Mandel was ok, but the less said about Jeff Probst and Ryan Seacrest, the better.
*When 95% of the awards are won by cable networks, it says a lot about the quality of network television.
*Kathy Griffin demanding a standing ovation for Don Rickles justified her continued existence on the planet. I ordinarily would never, ever use the word "class" to describe her, but it was a classy move.
*Quoted for truth: "What did you win for? Reality program? So you didn't win for a real show." I love Don Rickles.
*Two good things will come from Stephen Colbert losing to Rickles: (1) I can't wait to hear his rant about it and (2) a probable appearance by Mr. Warmth on "The Colbert Report".
*I really loved "John Adams" winning most of its categories, but cutting off the writer while he was talking about a time when articulate men discussed important issues to tease the "Best Reality Show" award...not so much.
*Yay for 30 Rock...double yay for Alec Baldwin...triple yay for Tim Conway (one of the funniest men on the planet) winning for his guest role. Thanks, Tina Fey!
*Best presenter and (if the television academy had any brains at all) my choice for next year's host...Ricky Gervais.
*Josh Groban's theme show medley...cool. Josh Groban singing as Cartman from South Park...awesome!
*If your show is running long, perhaps consider cutting the painfully unfunny bit where the winner of Reality Host is delayed until after the commercial break. Better idea...dump the stupid reality show stuff back to basic cable and get it off a show that is supposed to honor creative and artistic achievement. Even better idea...dump reality all together, put the ridiculous sums earned from it into program development and talent acquisition and make shows that are thought provoking, exciting and funny again.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
On The Fringe
I've just seen what may be the coolest new series of the Fall TV season...Fringe.
It would be easy to pigeonhole the show (created by J.J. Abrams) as an "X Files" for the new millenium...and it kind of is. But it's more than the sum of it's influences (which include "Lost" & "Alias" as well.)
Fringe has horror movie gross outs, science fiction psychobabble, conspiracy theories, buddy cop humor and a psychotic genius with a pet cow & a fascination with Spongebob Squarepants. What's not to love?
It remains to be seen if the rest of the season will live up to the promise of the pilot. Another concern is the Fox Network's notoriously itchy trigger finger with genre shows (see "Firefly") and if it has to endure a lengthy baseball playoff preemption, it could mean trouble.
But until that time, I'll happily go along for the ride. Highly, highly recommended!
It would be easy to pigeonhole the show (created by J.J. Abrams) as an "X Files" for the new millenium...and it kind of is. But it's more than the sum of it's influences (which include "Lost" & "Alias" as well.)
Fringe has horror movie gross outs, science fiction psychobabble, conspiracy theories, buddy cop humor and a psychotic genius with a pet cow & a fascination with Spongebob Squarepants. What's not to love?
It remains to be seen if the rest of the season will live up to the promise of the pilot. Another concern is the Fox Network's notoriously itchy trigger finger with genre shows (see "Firefly") and if it has to endure a lengthy baseball playoff preemption, it could mean trouble.
But until that time, I'll happily go along for the ride. Highly, highly recommended!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Another Blog O' Lists
Lists are fun!
5 People Who Would Make A Better Vice President Than Sarah Palin
5 People Who Would Make A Better Vice President Than Sarah Palin
- Kermit the Frog
- William Shatner
- Bea Arthur
- Rich Little
- Inanimate Carbon Rod
- Bushwack
- Carbuncle
- Titicaca
- Aaron Sorkin
- Samuel L. Jackson
- Kevin Smith
- Bruce Springsteen
- Vice President Inanimate Carbon Rod
- Journey
- Styx
- Duran Duran
- Led Zepplin
- The Doors
- Have A Colonoscopy
- Watch Soccer
- Gargle Razor Blades
- It's A Wonderful Life
- The Godfather
- The Godfather II
- Pulp Fiction
- Die Hard
- The Wild Bunch
- The Dirty Dozen
- West Side Story
- Raiders of the Lost Ark
- McClintock
- Billy Joel
- Bruce Springsteen
- The Statler Brothers
- Todd Snider
- Alabama
- Hudson Hawk
- Dumb and Dumber
- The Adventures of Milo & Otis
Monday, August 18, 2008
Lists of Stuff I Dig...
So, because no one asked for it...here are a few of the things that I dig....
*SHOWS THAT I ALWAYS DVR
*SHOWS THAT I ALWAYS DVR
- The Venture Brothers
- The Daily Show
- The Colbert Report
- Home Movies
- Burn Notice
- Heroes
- Convoy
- Ballad of The Green Berets
- Battle of New Orleans
- MASH
- Seinfeld
- The Dick Van Dyke Show
- The Andy Griffith Show (Black & White episodes only)
- WKRP in Cincinnatti
- John Wayne
- Lee Marvin
- Steve McQueen
- James Garner
- Bruce Campbell
Friday, August 15, 2008
Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda
So, Friday morning and already I'm faced with an ethical dilemma.
I have to decide whether to get off my butt & go to the gym (which I don't totally hate) OR remain on my butt and watch a week's worth of Daily Shows, Colbert Reports & Home Movies (the Adult Swim show not actual, you know, home movies) and then maybe go to the movies & then to improv.
I have this backlog due to Olympic coverage that I am sitting through 'cause Sainted Wife hinted strongly that she would appreciate seeing (translation "We're watching them and that's that."). Full disclosure...long ago I realized that one person or team would always be faster/stronger/more bendy than another & all of them would be better than me, so I never became immersed in sports.
ANYWAY...to relax or exercise...what to do, what to do? I know...I'll write about it!
Problem solved!
OK...I'll go to the gym...in a few minutes.
I have to decide whether to get off my butt & go to the gym (which I don't totally hate) OR remain on my butt and watch a week's worth of Daily Shows, Colbert Reports & Home Movies (the Adult Swim show not actual, you know, home movies) and then maybe go to the movies & then to improv.
I have this backlog due to Olympic coverage that I am sitting through 'cause Sainted Wife hinted strongly that she would appreciate seeing (translation "We're watching them and that's that."). Full disclosure...long ago I realized that one person or team would always be faster/stronger/more bendy than another & all of them would be better than me, so I never became immersed in sports.
ANYWAY...to relax or exercise...what to do, what to do? I know...I'll write about it!
Problem solved!
OK...I'll go to the gym...in a few minutes.
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