Election Post Mortem

This will be approximately the ten millionth blog about the election (and that's probably a conservative, no pun intended, estimate), but I felt compelled to throw my .02 into the fray.

*"He's a community organizer....what's that?"
Well Mr. Mayor, apparently a "community organizer" is someone who takes a diverse group of individuals from all walks of life, trains them, treats them with respect and values their service which inspires them to volunteer and work long hours for no pay in potentially hostile battleground states for a candidate they believe in and who winds up turning most of those traditionally Red states Blue.

*If you look at the musicians who were stumping for both Obama & McCain, it's no wonder the Senator from Illinois is the new Commander In Chief. Among the artists who campaigned for Obama were James Taylor, Jimmy Buffett, Joss Stone, Will I Am and Bruce Springsteen. Campaigning for McCain? Lee Greenwood, Hank Williams, Jr. and one of the dudes from Big and Rich. Let's face it...the Democratic ticket rocked in more ways than one.

*This is a great opportunity to heal some of the divisions of the past eight years, to conquer the fear that has gripped us since that awful day in September 2001. The world is a dangerous place and we do need to be cautious. But there's a difference between caution and fear. Caution is a measured response to a potential threat. Caution allows us to weigh our options and prepare a proportional response. Fear causes chaos and confusion...people who feel cornered and afraid are more likely to blindly lash out. I think one of the unspoken reasons the election turned out the way it did was that a large part of the American populace was sick and tired of being afraid all the time and said "Enough".

*John McCain showed great grace and dignity with his concession speech. His comment about Obama's grandmother being "proud of the good man she helped raise" was a particular highlight for me. If Senator McCain had campaigned the way he conceded, I suspect he might not have had to make that speech at all.

*President Elect Obama also reached out during his acceptance speech to those who didn't support him..."I may not have gotten your vote, but I am your President as well." I have no doubt he meant that and I hope he proves it to everyone who voted against him.

If the election turned out the way you wanted it to, it's an exciting time. If not, you're probably wondering what comes next. Here's a little secret-we're all wondering what comes next.

Why don't we surprise those who say we'll never be one America again and find out together.

Simply Amazing

No matter what happens tonight, when we get up in the morning we will be living in a whole new world.

Millions of people-conservatives, liberals, Christians, Jews, Atheists, veterans, college students, grandmothers, plumbers, mayors, community organizers, teachers, preachers, self-employed, unemployed and countless more besides-got up this morning and decided that they were going to change the world, one vote at a time.

Think for a minute just how amazing that is...that we have the right and privilege to decide who will be the leader of the free world. For two years, we've been listening to every expert on both sides of the aisle, pundits and pastors, our friends and even our enemies tell us who they think we should vote for. But in the end, it all comes down to one citizen, one vote.

I'm as partisan as the next guy and I passionately want my candidate to win...but just for a minute, I want to marvel at the spectacle of so many Americans who don't agree coming together on one day with one purpose...to make their voice heard by voting.

We live in cynical times and any number of folks are more than happy to tell you why your vote doesn't count, that you're just wasting your time and effort and that no matter who wins it's going to be the same old same old.

Don't believe it. People vote for one simple reason...they hope things will be better than they currently are. Hope is a good thing. Without hope, we die.

So, in the few short hours before the returns start coming in and we get focused on winners and losers and what it all means...take a second to be amazed and grateful to live in a country where anyone, from any walk of life, can cast their ballot and make their voice heard.

Good Night, Good Luck and God Bless America

An Etiquitte Guide To Winning & Losing

No matter what happens tomorrow, somebody's candidate is going to win and somebody's candidate is going to lose. In an effort to (once again) salvage the upcoming Thanksgiving/Christmas season, Notes From Nerdvana humbly offers this handy guide to post-election etiquitte.

IF YOUR GUY WINS:

*Gloating
Among fellow supporters, you have until the end of the week to gloat, crow and chortle to your hearts content. Write heartfelt & obnoxious blogs, high five each other, send smug emails...whatever. Until Friday midnight, feel free to go nuts!

Among a mixed crowd, public gloating should end by midnight Wednesday. No matter the outcome, there's going to be any number of your friends and/or family who are not happy. Resist the urge to rub it in. Win with style and grace. To quote the former (and fictional) White House Chief of Staff Leo McGarry..."We don't strut. Ever!"

*Wagers
If you made a bet on the outcome of the election and lose...pay off quickly and without comment. If the wager was for cash, do not pay in a Hefty bag of unrolled pennies and Canadian quarters. If you made a wager involving personal services to the winner, fulfill the obligation as quickly and with as much dignity as you can muster. If the outcome of your wager winds up on You Tube for the entire world to see, you deserve what you get for not clearly setting the parameters of said wager.

If you win a bet...accept your winnings with a simple knowing smile. Resist the urge to say "I told you so" or anything similar unless you are also prepared to take a kick in the junk from a disgruntled loser.

SPECIAL NOTE TO DEMOCRATS
In the event of a Democratic victory, be as gentle as possible with our Republican bretheren and sisteren. Losing elections is a new thing for them....especially if it's a landslide. They are going to be disoriented and cranky. If they resist any kind words or encouragement and seem to have lost the power of speech, back away slowly. This should pass in a few days. Simply put them to bed with a cookie, a bottle of Boone's Farm wine and Bill O'Reilly's latest book. If symptoms persist after the inauguration, then continue administering Boone's Farm liberally (no pun intended) until 2016.

One final bit of pre-election advice for the more radical wings of both parties....

If your guy loses, it's not because the other side is a bunch of socialist, Marxist, America hating, left wing/right wing character assasins who are racist/intolerant redneck conserviliberal war hating war loving surrender monkeys who want to bomb the whole world.

It's simply because a majority of voters decided that the other candidate was who they wanted to be in office. No more...no less.

Good Night and Good Luck and God Bless America!

A Conundrum

Had an interesting conversation today, the gist of which boiled down to "If you aren't 100% against something, that means you're automatically 100% for it."

This theory works if you are discussing trivial issues. Issues are big, broad concepts that fit neatly into "either/or" brackets. You either like country music or you don't. You either like crunchy peanut butter or creamy. Elvis or The Beatles...pick one or the other. Essentially, it's a fun way to engage in meaningless debate with your friends and waste time.

But when you start applying that logic to issues that effect real people every day it can be dangerous. People are more than the sum of their particular political leaning. People are a complicated mass of contradictions that are made up of all the moments of their lives, both good and bad.

Don't try and tell me because I'm not 100% against whatever is your pet issue...abortion, immigration, the death penalty, whatever...that I'm automatically in favor of it either.

And don't dare question the depth of my faith in relation to those issue. I will ultimately answer to only one person about that...and it's not gonna be you.

Helping The Economy

I think all the Right Wings pundits are looking at this election the wrong way.

If Obama wins on Tuesday, they're guaranteed at least four (and possibly eight) more years of steady employment. Four (and possibly eight) more years of yelling and screaming how "socialist" liberal policies are ruining America by trying to make life a little easier for people who don't make six figure salaries. Four (and possibly eight) more years of trying to scare folks with the idea that using diplomacy and negotiation rather than Cowboy carpet bombing is just crazy. Four (and possibly eight) more years of scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with new lies and conspiracy theories to justify their jobs.

So Mr. O'Reilly, Mr. Limbaugh, Ms. Coulter and all the rest...I implore you, for the sake of the economy, when you enter the voting booth on Tuesday, vote for your jobs...vote for Obama/Biden.

Otherwise, you might lose your 6 figure incomes & need that Marxist tax break. And wouldn't that just be a shame.

That Guy-Election Version

*You're hanging out with a group of friends. You decide to order pizza. One person decides that they don't want any, but tells you to go ahead & order it any way. Everyone picks what kind of pizza they like. Everyone kicks in to pay for the pizza. Pizza arrives and no-pizza guy decides he is hungry after all. He proceeds to eat pizza, complaining all the while about (a) the place you ordered from and (b) the fact that he would've picked different toppings. Never mind the fact that it took everyone at least 30-45 minutes to discuss, debate and decide what kind of pizza to order and where from while this loser kept insisting that he wasn't sure what he wanted, but he was positive it wasn't pizza, only to go ahead and eat without actually contributing to the order and having the nerve to b*%$ and moan about what kind of free pizza he was forcing down his pie hole.

For those of you who might've missed my subtle analogy...replace "pizza" with "vote" and it will become all too clear.

Next Tuesday...don't be That Guy!

NC #10013

I voted today.

For the first time since I turned 18, I cast my vote for a candidate that I feel strongly about...that I didn't feel like I had to settle for.

If you read this blog at all, it shouldn't be much of a surprise who I voted for. But I believe that no matter who you support, it's everyones responsibility to vote...to participate in the process.

I may vehemently dislike the policies of your candidate but I honor & respect anyone who chooses to back up his or her choice with their vote.

I know people who refuse to vote...who are so cynical about politics that they simply don't bother. I feel sorry for them.

But today I felt proud to stand up and cast my vote. I was also proud of all the folks who came out in the rain to declare their choice.

What was more amazing...the early voting sight opened at 9am & when I submitted my ballot at 10:45, I was vote number 10,013. Ten thousand people cared enough to get out & vote early. Democrat or Republican, that's pretty awesome.

God Bless America!

Election Day...TV Land Edition

With Andy Griffith, Ron Howard and Henry Winkler endorsing Barack Obama as their beloved tv alter egos in a new web video, it got me wondering just who the classic characters from my favorite shows would vote for.

So, let's go to the exit polls in TV Land & see what happened.

*From the 4077th MASH: Hawkeye Pierce, Trapper John, BJ Hunnicutt, Father Mulcahy, Max Klinger, Sherman Potter and Radar O'Reilly all voted for Obama. Splitting the vote, early years Hot Lips voted for McCain, while later years Hot Lips went with Obama. Major Charles Emerson Winchester also supported the Illinois Senator while Frank Burns voted for McCain.

*Obama swept the Mayberry, North Carolina district with the entire town voting for Change.

*McCain supporters included MacGyver, JR Ewing and Homer Simpson, who mistakenly thought he was voting for "McBain". When asked for a comment, Simpson replied "D'oh!"

*In Florida, the Golden Girls also split their vote. Dorothy and Rose went for Obama while Blanche voted for that "hunk of a man McCain." Sophia also voted for McCain, primarily because he was her date to the senior prom.

*Battleground state Pennsylvania saw Scranton's Dunder-Mifflin Paper solidly in Obama's camp with the entire office voting for him. The sole exceptions were accountant Angela and salesman Dwight Schrute. Oddly, the couple shared the same voting booth and could be heard loudly moaning, obviously agonizing over how to cast their ballots.

*At Bayside High's mock election, all votes went to Obama except one. A young man identified only as "Screech" cast his vote for McCain, stating that running mate Sarah Palin "made him feel all tingly."

Some precincts are still too close to call. The Dharma Initiative island is embroiled in a scandal involving the purge of smoke monsters from the voting rolls and in Camden County, local election official Joy Turner is refusing to release results until she gets "some of that Palin clothes money. Do you know how many tube tops $150 large will buy?"

But all in all, TV Land looks solidly blue this election year.

We now return to Murphy Brown and Ted Baxter at Election Central. This has been Les Nessman reporting for WKRP.

So Conflicted

OK...the best thing to do when you have a huge secret is just to blurt it out and hope your friends still want to actually be your friends. I've been holding this back for a couple of days now...tossing & turning, losing sleep...I've been incredibly conflicted, but it's time to come clean....

I saw Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live...and I didn't hate her.

I wanted to...I really did. Her politics turn my stomach. The idea of her one heartbeat away from the Oval Office absolutely petrifies me. I'm also pretty sure she'd shoot me in the face and wouldn't really care if I apologized to the press or not.

But Saturday night, I didn't hate her. She looked like she was having a good time, had some decent moves during "Weekend Update" and didn't try and tear Alec Baldwin's throat out with her bare hands (and I wonder how many Ambien and scotches Baldwin had to choke down just to be on the same continent with her, much less arm in arm).

I've never actually hated the Governor as a person. I suspect in a few weeks, with her safely away from the Oval Office and sending her audition tape to Fox "News" (look for "Palin & Coulter" to premiere sometime next fall after Ann & Sarah kill and eat Hannity and Colmes...it's just the inevitable progression of the circle of life), that she won't even be a blip on my radar.

But I did want her to bomb Saturday...and bomb big. I mean Fat Man & Little Boy, Hiroshima and Nagasaki big. That didn't happen. But I did notice that she was gritting her teeth so hard that I thought she was going to break her own jaw...or Tina Fey's.

So, good job Governor. As a Vice-Presidential candidate, you're going to make an excellent talk show host...probably sooner than you think. Just call if you need a reference.

Elitist? You Bet I Am

There once was a time when we wanted the best and the brightest in charge. Not any more. Now it's more important to have someone we'd want to hang out with be in charge of the free world.

With all due respect...I love my friends. I have a great time when I hang out with them. They make me laugh and occasionally laugh at my jokes. But under no circumstances do I want any of them to be president. Because they would do a terrible job. And I would certainly hope they would say the same thing about me...because I would do an even worse job than them.

I'm just about fed up with the notion that just because a candidate might not enjoy scarfing down pork rinds and Lowenbrau while watching the monster truck rally and has read a book or two (possibly one that has been banned from at least one library) that he or she is some sort of "elitist" and less qualified to run the country.

America was created by elitists. I can guarantee there were very few "Joe Ale Flagons" at the First Continental Congress...and certainly no "Cricket Moms". John Adams, Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton were some of the smartest men who ever walked the planet. They were educated lawyers, scientists, inventors and philosophers who had passionate views about their society and culture and what's more, they could discuss these views in an intelligent fashion.

So, when it comes to guiding this great nation you better believe I want the most educated, most informed and most intellectual politicians we can get. I want someone smarter than me...and quite frankly, I'm pretty smart to begin with.

You want someone you'd like to have a beer with in office? Fine...nominate them for County Commissioner or Dogcatcher. I want my President to be too busy working for the American people to have time to hang out with me.

Rational Thought or How 'Bout Them Packers

We're in the midst of an incredibly important election. It will be as important as the 1960 Kennedy/Nixon presidential race in terms of what direction America goes in for (I believe) the next 20 years. The stakes are high. Emotions are running higher. So, in the interest of maintaining friendships and not ruining Thanksgiving, I urge all of us when discussing our choice of candidate to do two simple things....

1. Take a deep breath
2. Calm the #@%* down

Yes, this presidential election is very important. But we all have friends or family who have different political views than we do, and we're not going to change their minds. Not with our rational, cogent arguments, not with our carefully researched talking points, not with our impassioned defense of the need for change/staying the course in these troubled times and not by calling them bleeding heart liberal wussies or reactionary racist cavemen. It's just not going to happen.

The best we can do is to agree to disagree. Before the interwebs, this wasn't so hard. In the blogging age however, it's become more difficult. Communication has become increasingly more impersonal and we often forget that, no matter how many smiley emoticons we include, you can't judge tone in a web post.

All politics are personal. There's no getting around that fact. But there's also no reason to torpedo friendships or alienate family over it. I've known my best friend for over 20 years and it is safe to say that we are on (mostly) opposite sides of the political spectrum. The way we have remained friends for over 20 years is that we rarely talk politics and when we do, we have a code. When things get too heated (or as close to heated as we get), one of us will say "How 'bout them Packers."

This phrase means, roughly, "We don't agree on this topic. We never will agree on this topic. This topic is now closed. Let's move on to what 80's tv stars we were in love with." I don't remember who came up with this brilliant idea (ok, I do...he did), but it has curtailed many thorny discussions and helped us (see #2 above) calm the #@%* down.

So, pick your battles. Support and work for your candidate. Try and make a difference. But (in the words of my lovely mother) don't act ugly and remember to ask "How 'bout them Packers?"

I'm Chris Ayers and I approve this message

More Conventional Wisdom & Books of the Week

• Four years from now, I'm going to find a way to have the goofy hat concession at the party conventions. I bet I could make a bunch of Newspaper hats, sell them to delegates and retire on the profits.

• If you are a candidate, I don't care what song they play...for the love of God & in the name of all that is Holy...DON'T DANCE. There is nothing more awkward than watching 50-something career politicians trying to bust a move.

• I loved the fact that during the Hillary Clinton video package, they chose to use the super "Hillary's Husband" when Bill was talking.

• Will I be watching the Republican Convention next week? No. I know who I'm going to vote for already. Besides, if it runs true to form, I don't need to hear multiple speeches about how we're all in in danger of imminent nuclear destruction if Obama is elected. Given the choice between the "We Are Family-I'd Like To Buy The World A Coke" sometimes goofy optimism of the Democrats & the "Eve Of Destruction-Meet The New Boss (Same As The Old Boss)" fear mongering of the Republicans, I'll take optimism for $1,000 Alex.

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We have two winners for Funnybook of the Week. Both were excellent in their own ways, so I just couldn't pick one.

First up is Final Crisis: Rogue's Revenge #2 by Geoff Johns & Scott Kollins. The Rogues take their war against Libra to a new level and Captain Cold settles some family business. I'm getting a real "Wild Bunch" vibe off of this title. I can easily see the Rogues making one doomed last stand and going out in a blaze of glory by the end of this mini-series. Johns continues to explore just what makes the Flash's Rogues Gallery more than just another group of costumed criminals. With hints of betrayal from within and Zoom and Inertia on the horizon, it looks like this one will wrap up with a bang!

My second pick is DC Universe: Last Will And Testament by Brad Meltzer. This was originally solicited as a tie-in to "Final Crisis", but works fine as a stand alone story. Meltzer does take a look at what various heroes in the DC Universe do on the night before what might be their final battle. But he also takes the opportunity to tie up some plot threads that hearken back to his run on "Justice League of America" and even as far back as "Identity Crises". I never had a strong opinion about Geo-Force before...he came to prominence during my absence from comics. Truthfully, until this issue, he never seemed more fully rounded as a character. But Meltzter made me care about him...and that's the mark of a good writer.

Honorable mention goes to Nova #16 and Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #1. Nova for being a Secret Invasion tie-in that also more than holds its own as a stand alone issue and Superman Beyond for the ideas and psychotic genius that is Grant Morrison.

Political Thoughts & Funnybook Stuff

So, the conventions have started with the Democrats first out of the gate. I will admit to only watching a little bit last night...I was actually peeping Season 4 of "The West Wing" (I find it ironic that, even with a candidate I can get behind, I'd rather watch fictional politicians than real ones)...but here are a few random observations from what I did see...and this was MSNBC's coverage, by the way.

*It was very nice of NBC to hire Tim Russert's son, but perhaps putting him on the air at one of the biggest events of the year wasn't such a good idea. Live TV is hard enough without the barely controlled chaos of a political convention.

*Bill Maher is, was and always will be a jackass.

*I want a convention highlight reel channel...just show me the major speeches so I don't have to hear the same filler commentary over and over and over and over until I want to slam my head into the wall.

*I saw that Cindy McCain was heading to Georgia to survey the civilian devastation brought on by the recent conflict. I'm not sure what Mrs. McCain's qualifications are...but I imagine we could get the same result if you sent just about anybody..."Stuff was blown up real bad & lots of people were hurt".

So...that's my completely shallow & nowhere near complete coverage of the 20 minutes or so of the Democratic National Convention I watched between "West Wing" episodes. More to come, if I don't take a nap or something.

To shift gears...it's a rather large funnybook week this week...lots of stuff coming out, so (a day early)...here's what I'm getting...

DC COMICS
Ambush Bug: Year None #2
Blue Beetle #30
Brave And The Bold HC Vol. 02: The Book Of Destiny
DC Universe: Last Will And Testament #1
Final Crisis: Rogues’ Revenge #2
Final Crisis: Superman Beyond #1
Jack Of Fables #25
JLA Deluxe Edition HC Vol. 01
Justice Society Of America #18
Metal Men HC
Reign In Hell #2
Superman #679
Trinity #13

MARVEL COMICS
Mighty Avengers #17
New Avengers #44
Nova #16
Thunderbolts #123

Good reads a-plenty this week. I'm particularly looking forward to "DC Universe: Last Will & Testament", which marks Brad Meltzer's return to comics.